Ross Cavins - Poet, Author, All-Around Desperate Man. Funny Humor and such.

Ross went by Time Warner yesterday to drop off my old cable modem; not a soul was there. I wondered if the place was closed. While I was there, two other people came in. I left and as I walked to my car (1 of 3 in the parking lot), a woman stopped beside me, rolled down her window, and asked, "Is there a long line in there?" I'm a firm believer that you should have to pass an IQ test to get a driver's license.

“Your job is being outsourced.”

- American Express, 3 months after being hired by them

Cleavage Makes Men Stupid

Written by Ross Cavins

Tuesday, 11 September 2007

It's as simple as that. This article could end right now and you'd all know what I meant without me having to go into it. But where's the fun in that?

Whatever intelligence edge or business advantage men believe they have in this world, it disappears when faced with a nice set of boob cleavage. A man could be at the top of his game in the prime of his concentration and totally break down, drooling all over himself, if confronted with a set of Double D's and a low v-neck.

Cleavage is the colossal equalizer, the secret password, the greatest feminist weapon ever invented. Cleavage overpowers the strength of the penis ten times out of ten. Even bad cleavage is as mighty as a chunk of Kryptonite.

Behold the power of cleavage.

Some studies have offered reasons why men are attracted to cleavage. They say that the breasts act as a mirror to a woman's buttocks, which draws into man's instinctual urges, thus making the female desirable for procreation. Blah blah blah. It's cleavage! The Valley of the Boobs! There need be no more explanation than that.

Man can't even explain what time actually is, how can he be so arrogant as to offer an explanation of the essence of beauty: cleavage. It's sad to say, but you take an average woman, add nice cleavage and a low-cut shirt, and she becomes queen of the room, able to command small armies of bumbling men. Smart women know this power and use it daily, even if they don't like it.

Money is power? Knowledge is power? Nope, cleavage is power.

He who controls the information, controls the world? Nope, she who controls the man with the information, controls the world.

Men are easy. Put the ten smartest male minds in a room with a single set of C-cups in a wonder bra and you have a roomful of blathering idiots. It's quite simple, I'll restate it for you. Cleavage makes men stupid. Period.

Cleavage is so powerful, I've even seen it make gay men stupid. So strong is the lure that total flamers have been knocked off their guard, tripping over their words like a one-legged man jump-roping with his shoe untied.

Battle of the sexes? Where did this stupid saying come from? The illusion of a battle between the sexes was created by women who needed to placate the men into thinking they had a chance. That's like a nuclear capable country calling a truce of cold war with a country stocked with no more technology than throwing the heaviest rock they can find. Sure, there's a cease-fire but all the big country has to do is expose it's twin nukes and the rock country bows in immediate subjugation.

Men are no match for women when they arrive with their shirt buttons undone. Challenged with a face-full of cleavage, even the strongest man can't answer what color her eyes are.

So, regretfully and without hesitation, I officially surrender for all men everywhere. You win. Cleavage is queen. I bow, rocks in hand, and submit to your daily bidding.

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aA - OMG, you are a genius

IP:66.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-02-26 13:40:10

not for knowing that cleavage is not to be missed, but for being able to even write about it. and even finish the thought. with a picture like THAT in proximity.

you are truly a man among mammaries.

Southern gal

IP:71.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-05-07 23:41:02

Ross, where do you get all these totally appropos pictures? I notice that you've not credited any of them w/ any copyright, so I'm assuming they must be free from some site(s). That one of the woman in red body paint (your post on hardened 'erasers', ha) is absolutely stunning.

Yes, Cleavage is Queen. Thank you, duly noted. But then of course there's the joke, "Balls said the Queen...if we had them we'd be King." I've always loved that one b/c it's so true. Fewer Queens throughout history, more Kings for sure and, I ask, how many women are on the CEO list of Fortune 500 companies?

So, while cleavage gets many women noticed, granted, & hip, hip, hooray for that... it does NOT have THAT kind of power. Wallstreet power. It possess physical power.

As you stated above:
"He who controls the information, controls the world? Nope, she who controls the man with the information, controls the world."

Yeah, she might, but not DIRECTLY from what you said in thst case. See, this is a real thorn of contention. Tits and ass, brains and power. They're all commodities to differing degrees and forever controversial in whatever degree they're possessed & in what arena, whatever it may be, that they're displayed by women.

I will say I understand totally where you're coming from, from a man's perspective & both sexes for that matter love LOVELY cleavage. We're mesmerized ourselves by another woman's beauty, that's just human nature. To say you men are all reduced to "blathering idiots" - is it really that bad??? I guess so. From the comment posted prior to this one & others he has made, THAT guy is totally hooked on the word "mammaries".

If you care to reply, please put down your stated "rocks in hand" and utilize both hands on the keyboard, if possible since the picture you posted of Ms. double D's is still within sight. :)

Ross Cavins - hmm ...

IP:98.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-05-16 09:14:20

They are all stolen from various places around the net. Whatever catches my eye, so to speak ...

And yes, it does have that kind of power ... it always has and always will.

We may not show the "blathering idiots" syndrome (BIS) in public, but at all times, our brains and other body parts are sputtering.

And LOL .. the "rocks in hand" reference was to earlier about a country with "no more technology than throwing the heaviest rock they can find" ... but I can see the confusion here ...

LOL .. I'm surprised I didn't notice that. I guess I was having too much fun searching for the picture to put with the story ...

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