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“Go get me the paper stretcher.” - My Dad, getting rid of me at age 15
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*not actual nephew I learned something this past weekend that disturbs me. My four year old nephew Joey has a big schlong. It's so big that it gets talked about. …
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not actual bathroom or chair I went to a married friend's party this past weekend. There were mostly couples there but my buddy promised me there would be some single…
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Let's pretend for a moment that history was different, or that Dan Brown and the conspiracy theorists were right. Let's play with the idea that Jesus married Mary Magdelene. All…
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My friend Jeff and I were heading out for burgers when he pulled the top of his boxers out of his pants and said, "You know how long I've had…
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Who the hell's he talking to?No, this isn't about a stupid cell phone commercial where a chubby geeky guy walks around saying the stupid catch-phrase into a dummy phone. (Side…
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We are the children. We are the ones who make a brighter day so let's start giving. That's how the song goes and even though tons of stars banded together…
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My parents are getting older. They're in their sixties now. While that's still relatively young by today's standards, they can't do things like they used to.
Every time I…
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I've been married twice, to two completely different women. Number One was 5-5, long blond hair, green eyes, curvy, smart, from West Palm Beach with a strong Catholic upbringing and…
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William H. Macy
I have one thing to say about the man, every movie he's in is good. It's that simple. He doesn't pick bad roles or bad movies. …
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I'm beginning my Life 3.0 and this weekend was one of mile"stones" for me. I bought a car, a 2004 Pontiac Aztek. It's ugly, I know ... it's so ugly…
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Thursday, 13 September 2007 03:06 |
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I was born in America. I was raised in America. I possess a distinctly American belief system. Therefore I'm a Native American by all sense of the term, right? Then why am I supposed to check Caucasian White on all those damn government forms?
What they mean by Native American is obviously the race of people who were here before Columbus screwed their lives up or some guy named Amerigo Vespucci won the naming pool. We call them the American Indian, even though Columbus missed India by about 10,000 miles.
 Early American Map.
You get where I'm going with this?
America is obsessed with labeling its citizens as certain races, fanatical to the point that anything you do is recorded in a census via race. It's so bad that one day, the government will inform us who leads in feces production percentage versus amount of food taken in. Will Whites be full of shit more than Blacks or Asians (or is it Orientals?) or Hispanics (everybody south of America) or American Indians (what's left of them) or Pacific Islanders (Hawaiians)?
From now on, I shed the designation of one race. I'm a mutt in every sense of the word and proud of it. I guess you could say that I'm mostly European Caucasian but have you seen me on a basketball court? I can't be completely white, I gotta have some soul in me somehwere.
So from this point forward, on all government forms, I will now be known as a Native American. I was born here and I'm native to America.
Or maybe I'll be an Other. There can never be too many Others in the world, can there?
P.S. What is an Other? A Jew? A Gypsy? A Leprechaun? An Ewok?
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