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“Will you put that stupid Dilbert book away!” - Wife Number One, on our honeymoon
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I was born in America. I was raised in America. I possess a distinctly American belief system. Therefore I'm a Native American by all sense of the term, right? Then…
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That pretty much sums up the thought patterns of a typical American man. Oh sure, there are males who think differently, but this is what American MEN think about 90%…
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Growing up, I had what I affectionately called "Fat Boy Asthma." Whenever I would play sports, I had trouble breathing. I never experienced an attack for no reason like most…
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I know this seems to be a recurring motif, but in my younger years, I wasn't too swift. Oh sure, I had my IQ points and I did well in…
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William H. Macy
I have one thing to say about the man, every movie he's in is good. It's that simple. He doesn't pick bad roles or bad movies. …
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Yesterday, someone asked me how my day was. I took a few seconds and then told them, "Pretty good, got a lot done. Yep, it was a pretty good day." …
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Among the many number of things I did wrong with my two wives, I did a great many correct. It takes a lot to make a marriage work and outside…
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Giada de Laurentiis is just plain hot. There's no getting around it. Not only does she know her stuff about cooking and food, but she's as sexy as…
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It's true. The world's spelling acuity, and America's in particular, has suffered immensely due to one major reason. The advent of the Internet.
This new medium has single-handedly opened…
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*not actual nephew I learned something this past weekend that disturbs me. My four year old nephew Joey has a big schlong. It's so big that it gets talked about. …
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Thursday, 28 February 2008 08:53 |
 The First Knuckle Method.
That's my politically correct term for nose picking. I call it booger mining. Ingenious, huh? Conjures up visions of midgets with hardhats and lanterns, singing camp songs as they descend into the depths of a nasal cavity for another toiling day of mining. For boogers.
These people I speak of, they pick their noses in public. On the street. In a car. In a deli. In a bar.
My Dr. Seuss impersonation.
These public booger miners either a) don't care if you see them digging out a juicy green gob of goo, or b) don't realize anyone is watching them stick their finger in up to the first knuckle.
They think they have a personal shield around them that renders their actions invisible. Like going the speed limit in a car means no one can see them digging around for that slimy one that you can never really get a good grip on because there's no true nucleus. It's just a smushy gelatinous glob of mucus that squishes under your finger, then surrounds it like you're starring in a sci-fi movie.
These people think that once they get the elusive offender out, they can flick it away or wipe it on a hidden portion of their pants (or dress) and it never happened. Like it didn't count or something.
Like the five second rule when you drop a candy bar on the ground. If you pick it up quick enough, it never occurred. You can still eat it because you got it before the germs had a chance to know it was there and latch on.
But then again, you've got snot on your fingers, so why the hell are you so damned worried about floor germs?
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