|
| |
|
“Thou shalt lose thine hair.” - God
|
| |
|
|
|
-
I had a dream last night, of a girl. A girl I'd had a crush on since elementary school. We all have that girl (or guy), the one we noticed…
-
Who the hell's he talking to?No, this isn't about a stupid cell phone commercial where a chubby geeky guy walks around saying the stupid catch-phrase into a dummy phone. (Side…
-
*not actual nephew I learned something this past weekend that disturbs me. My four year old nephew Joey has a big schlong. It's so big that it gets talked about. …
-
-
The Fading LPThe world is constantly evolving. It is inevitable; all that is now, will be no more. Traditions are but man's futile attempts to preserve a way of life. …
-
Steven Seagal isone of the worst action movie heros of all time (apologies to Chuck Norris). Every movie of his is the same plot with the same moves and the…
-
Stress is one of those realities of life that we all experience. Whether it's stress on our job or stress in our relationships, eventually this harbinger affects us all. It's…
-
As a child during the 70s, when sugar was cheap and inflation a virtual myth, we were privy to a selection of breakfast cereals that, like 60s rock music, can…
-
I was playing Scrabble yesterday and I began to wonder if they televised the Scrabble championships. They have them, you know, because I've read about them. But do they televise…
-
Okay, first, if you're looking for actual scientific data, you're looking in the wrong place. I'm totally pulling all this stuff out of my rear but since my rear has…
|
|
| |
|
Written by Ross Cavins
|
|
Sunday, 22 June 2008 19:00 |
|
 There are two kinds of toilet paper: the good stuff and the other stuff. The good stuff is fluffy and squeezably soft while the other stuff is scratchy and noticably thin.
The good stuff has commercials where kids cram it under their clothes and suddenly become indestructible. They can run into other kids, play football, fall off buildings - all without a single scratch or bruise.
The other stuff doubles as sandpaper whenever I refinish furniture.
There are also two kinds of toilets: the low-flow kind and the good kind. The difference between these two is painfully obvious.
The office where I work has a low-flow toilet. Until recently, we had thin scratchy toilet paper. The kind you bought by the truckload from Costco. I think by the time you rang it up, they were paying you to take it from the store.
Then, one fateful day, the boss bought the good toilet paper. The rolls were so fat and fluffy they barely fit on the roller. I almost stuffed my pants with a few rolls and ran around the office, singing and daring the sharp desk corners to try something untoward.
But I didn't.
Instead, lunch knocked at the proverbial door and I christened the new cushified toilet paper. From the first wipe, it was heaven. Pure bliss.
What a difference! I wondered if there was some aloe built in to that quilted velvet-on-a-roll.
After I concluded my business, I stood and sighed in great relief. I pulled my pants up, flushed and went to wash my hands.
I paused at the sink and glanced over. Uh-oh.
Three flushes and two plunges later, I exited the bathroom a wiser man.
Good toilet paper and low-flow toilets do not go together. Trust me.
|
|
| |
 |
|
|
|
|
