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“Uh ... no.” - Michelle P., a friend, when I wanted a real kiss on New Year's Eve
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I was playing Scrabble yesterday and I began to wonder if they televised the Scrabble championships. They have them, you know, because I've read about them. But do they televise…
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"Housesitter" ran on TBS this past weekend (written in mid-July). I kept the sound off while I tried to write about different things. I read through the paper where it…
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Blame it on the Producer.Back in the spring of 1989 when Milli Vanilli released their smash Album, Girl You Know It's True, a friend of mine introduced them to me. …
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On my away home yesterday, a small sign caught my eye. "Church For Sale." It was in front of a little brick church with browning grass and sparse landscaping. It…
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Men can be defined in more ways than having a penis. We like our sports, whether we're playing them or watching them. We fart in our sleep even if we…
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Yeah, you heard me right: Dre not as good as Cube. I overheard this the other day out in public. I don't know about you but I didn't need to…
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It's here, it's finally here! I never thought it would come but now it has. Dove Season officially opened in North Carolina on Labor Day!!
Yep, you heard me. …
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Stress is one of those realities of life that we all experience. Whether it's stress on our job or stress in our relationships, eventually this harbinger affects us all. It's…
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I was born in America. I was raised in America. I possess a distinctly American belief system. Therefore I'm a Native American by all sense of the term, right? Then…
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I don't look this gay.First, The Great Cereal Blog (part 1) Remember when you were a kid and it was a big deal to go to the grocery store? …
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Sunday, 10 August 2008 19:00 |
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 "Housesitter" ran on TBS this past weekend (written in mid-July). I kept the sound off while I tried to write about different things. I read through the paper where it talked about Toyota building its Prius here in the U.S. That's not funny.
I read where investors fear that a bailout for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac may be inevitable. I've been saying that for years, that's what happens when you have half the nation's mortgages owned by government-chartered "public" companies. Since your home is the single largest investment most of us have, that's basically like trusting government employees to handle your retirement portfolio. Oh wait, that's called social security, right? Again, not funny.
Wachovia's new CEO walked into the company at the same point the bank's stock hit a 17-year low. That's surprising? A bank whose pet name is "Walk-All-Over-Ya" is having problems with its stock price? Maybe First Union should have bought them instead. Again, not funny news.
In fact, I could find nothing funny in the paper to write about at all. I finally turned to the "Local" section, thinking maybe someone else's pathetic life would be funny. Perhaps a report on how the family of goats down the road ate their owner's laundry? Or yet another story on how some schmuck's well keeps pumping his sewage back into the yard because the water table's wrong? Or maybe a special insert on how some farmer is burning cow shit to generate his own electricity?
Nope, nothing. Not one single funny item ... until I found an article entitled, "A Little Bit Of Laughter Goes Long Way At Job." But despite the promise, this article was far from funny. The writer's picture was funnier than the words written. Pathetic. I didn't even crack a smile. All it did was hawk a stupid book.
Throughout all this, I kept looking up at the TV, watching Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn mouth their words and pantomime their actions. Even on mute, Steve Martin is funny. Goldie Hawn too. And she's hot. Screw writing something funny today, I'm going to watch TV.
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