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“What a loser.” - Anthony, the bully in grade school
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Recently, I entered my wife and I into a "Couple's Best" contest where you submit a 200 word story of how you met and people vote on the best story. …
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I heard someone talking yesterday about how this pastor and his church owned half a city block and had a membership of more than five thousand people. By "Big City"…
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I was born in 1971 and I was given my first album in the late seventies. And it was an actual album, not an 8-track or a tape cassette (CDs…
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I want to know something. Who invented the bathroom exhaust fan? I'll tell you, a genius, that's who. A veritable God among men. Whoever it was may have inadvertently saved…
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Among the many number of things I did wrong with my two wives, I did a great many correct. It takes a lot to make a marriage work and outside…
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Monday, 15 September 2008 01:52 |
 BLT - hold the L and T
The old man personifies the Jewish stereotype. He has the typical long face and deep-set eyes. He speaks Yiddish. And he's so tight with his money that he makes my dad look like Donald Trump in his spending habits. (Read about my dad here)
The old man was originally born in Baghdad and moved to America to pursue the American Dream. He lied about his age to join the Army just in time for WWII. Twenty years later, people were lying about their age to avoid the draft.
The old man met his wife in their thirties and until she died this past year, they were together for fifty years. A marriage that lasts that long, by default, has very few secrets. A couple together for half a century becomes almost psychic in their thoughts, developing the ability to finish each other's sentences. These two were no different.
But I found out the old man and his wife had at least one deep dark secret. They ate bacon.
Jews are forbidden by Jewish law to eat "unclean" food. There are several food items on this list but the number one non-Kosher food is swine. Hog. Pig. Pork.
In his wife's last remaining days, the old man revealed to her that bacon was a pork product. Somehow, some way, she didn't know this previously. She had steered away from ham and sausage and salami and hot dogs for eighty years. While all along, she'd eaten bacon.
Wondrous bacon. The most distinctive-smelling food in the world. It was alluring enough for the old man to lie to his wife of fifty years.
When she found out she'd eaten pork her whole life, she simply laughed. She cajoled her husband and teased him and rolled her eyes. What a silly old man, she said with her actions, what a silly old man.
Then for dinner that night, she asked for a BLT. Extra bacon.
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