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Why Divorce Rates Are So High PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ross Cavins   
Monday, 30 July 2007

Okay, first, if you're looking for actual scientific data, you're looking in the wrong place.  I'm totally pulling all this stuff out of my rear but since my rear has been divorced twice, I think I have a little experience in the matter.  Plus, I'm a fairly intelligent guy that's pretty adept at figuring things out.

The number one contributor to divorce in America today is the absence of true gender roles.  The sixties began the upheaval and the seventies totally effed it up.  Yes, you're reading correctly, I blame the feminist movement.  Throw eggs, tomatoes and small sharp objects now.

Fifties Fashion.
Fifties Fashion.
If you'll calm down a little and hear me out, you might actually see my point.  In the fifties and before, divorce was a very uncommon occurrence.  It just didn't happen very much.  In WWII, the men went away and the women had to run the country.  I think that this is where the gelling began of the women's movement.  They finally realized as a whole that they could do anything they put their minds to.  It took the fifties to fester, with the men returning from war and asserting their manhood.  Then the sixties came and the bonds were tested, bra burnings and the whole bit.

In the old days, women had women's jobs; they took care of the children, they stayed home, they played second fiddle.  Why?  Because they always had in most every culture in the world.  Why?  I don't know, geez, what do you want from me?

But then came the sixties and the seventies and this all changed.  Feminism rolled in and replaced the "traditional" family system.  All of a sudden, women felt empowered to be and do anything.  They clamored for equal pay and equal rights and honestly, I believe it was the invention of The Pill that finally gave them the ability to take control of their own future.

In the eighties, women not only wore pants but they wore short hair and looked good doing it.  They could run a corporation and a household and still have time to do the shopping and cleaning.  Men were pigs, enjoying the fruits of the new women's movement without picking up any of the slack.

In the nineties, the females got wise.  They realized that men were getting away with murder and they began demanding that they do their fair share of housework.  Not just the mowing and the trimming, but the clotheswashing, the vacuuming and the mopping.  They quit putting up with our bullshit.

As a result, men no longer knew how to be men.  Chivalry was dead.  A woman wanted to open her own door and slosh through mud puddles on her own.  Men were lost.  How could they not be the man of the house and still be a man?  A fifty-fifty relationship?  How about fifty-one/forty-nine?

No deal.  Women wanted to bake their cake and eat it too.

None of this is a bad thing.  It just is.  Women no longer have a clear direction to go to be women.  What does it mean to be womanly?  In the fifties, it meant being like Marilyn Monroe: beautiful, shapely, fashion-conscious, sexual.  Now?  Now, it has thirty definitions.  I am woman, hear me roar ... sound familiar?

Men are confused.  We want to hold the door open for women, it's ingrained in us.  It's part of our psyche because we're still taught as young boys not to hit girls.  We want to buy dinner and we want to drive and we want to plan the date.

Women are confused.  They want us to do all those things too.  But the feminist movement says they shouldn't so a good number of them reject it.  They get huffy if we compliment them on their new dress.  They get offended if we tell them we like their perfume.  They become upset if we pull a chair out for them.  They don't need men, they can do all that on their own.

This is confusing.  For everyone.  Because why do those women wear new dresses and expensive perfume?  Isn't it to attract a man?  Why do men shave and splash on cologne?  Isn't it to attract women?  Don't we do a lot of things just for the sole purpose of attracting the opposite sex?

But society has now changed the gender roles.  Nobody has any idea of how to be a man or a woman.  And subsequently, we're having trouble in our marriages because neither one knows how to act to appease the other.

Do I have an answer to this?  No.  I'm just the guy pointing it out.

So what do we do?  I have no effing clue.  I've been divorced twice.  Believe me when I tell you I have no answers to give.  I'm still learning when I can compliment a woman and not get a sexual harassment suit.  

It's not that bad, actually, because all this had a backlash and a lot of women have realized they liked those values they rejected.  They figured out that having the corporate job and the family and being everything to everyone isn't that much fun after all.  It's very stressful.

I'll say one thing, I'm the eternal romantic optimist.  I'll get married again because it's my nature, I love being married.  And this time, I'll make it work even if I have to be the stay-at-home dad.  After all, I'm a man of the new millennium.

 

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Southern gal IP:71.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-05-19 03:30:35
"No. I'm just the asshole pointing it out." From what I'm reading, you're far from it - you're an enlightened, very intuitive man. Also - funny as hell & a wonderful writer. I am really enjoying reading your archives...

We're all confused concerning the gender roles society has crammed into our psyches, but it basically boils down to just getting to know the other person & feeling vibes from people & treading lightly if you feel you're apt to offend when trying to do the polite things.

There are no right or wrong blanketed answers concerning what men or women "want" or how they wish to be treated b/c we're all different. That's the beauty of it - yes, a dilemma, therefore enigmatic, but discovering the subtleties of others is what it's all about, however maddening that can be at times.

War of the Roses and roses splattering petals of love - so many things can have such opposite meanings depending on the context and same w/ people. We're all lost - it's just helping each other along the way to deal w/ all the confusion & to experience the sheer joy when we do find it.

Geez, where's my sprinkles & gold dust... and where did my spectacles and that PhD certificate go?

Signed: INGA Phil Osopher :)
Ross Cavins IP:98.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-05-19 04:37:15
My thanks to you for the compliments, my lady.

:-D
Sg IP:71.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2008-05-19 18:15:01
You're welcome, sir.

"Inga" :)
Samantha IP:152.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2009-02-03 13:41:27
So I am standing at the door waiting for you to open it but you are nowhere to be found??? Ok so this will be weird coming from a gal I suppose but there are many of "us ladies" that want men to take care of us. Not all of us are brain dead. On a side note--I was raised in a strong southern family where women took care of the home and the MAN took care of everything else!
Hopeless Romantic - Interesting... IP:71.xxx.xxx.xxx | 2009-04-07 23:45:27
Wow, what a great read!
Where to begin here as all these thoughts run rampant in my head...
I think many things have happened over the years. One thing that has been increasing is the idea that we live in a "throw away" society where things are replaceable and discarded in such a hurry without much thought.

1. We live in a "throw away" society where things are replaceable and discarded in such a hurry without much thought.
2. The thought of traditional gender roles has somehow become a synonym for losing or giving up power & independence. Who says you can’t be strong & independent while having set responsibilities as a woman? The whole “I am woman, hear me roar” is a bit played don’t you think?
3. We love to stand by the water cooler and complain. Men really don’t have a fighting chance with women. We’ve forgotten how to be content, fulfilled and satisfied in our lives, and somehow we want our men to fix this for us?
4. We’ve forgotten the art of wooing one another. During the dating phase it’s all about what can I do for you, then the rings go on and we get lazy towards each other.
5. Chivalry isn’t dead ladies…it’s just not expected of men anymore, we lower the bar. I mean if you want to be treated like a lady, act like one. Do things that cause him to want to treat you a certain way, and have standards.
6. I read recently that men want three things; Support, Loyalty & Sex. So, instead of fighting or pushing men away. Support them and love them, there’s no secret formula to it…they want to know their needs & desires are important to you and that you’ll be there.

I don't know about others, but I long for the days when a woman acted like a woman, and the man acted like the man. Dating doesn’t have to be complicated, we make it so hard on ourselves for no reason at all.

And trust me, I should know after a failed marriage and many mistakes in the dating world...

BTW...weird concept about not letting a guy do all those things like complimenting you and opening doors. Stop it girls...you are training the very men I may date to stop doing the things I want them to do!
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