Ross Cavins humor author novels twitter Follow The Money - hilarious book original idea Follow The Money - humor novelist
 
 
 

You're projecting.

- Wife Number Two, the Counselor
 

Home
Newest Blogs
Oldest Blogs
Short Stories
Movie Reviews
Book Reviews
Bad Poetry
Dirty Comics
Recommended Books
Recommended Music
Touch My Fridge
Shameless T-Shirts
About Me
Email Me!!!



HackWriters.com
USADeepSouth.com
SwillMagazine.com
HissQuarterly.com
Buran.it (Italian)
DeadMule.com

Chuck and Cletus 2.com
News Satire and Funny Photos.

 Subscribe in a reader





Scrivel.com
Humor-Blogs.com



Top Blogs
Blog Directory
Bloglisting.net - The internets fastest growing blog directory Find Blogs in the Blog
Directory


Blog Search Engine
The Humor Directory
Blog Flux Directory
HumorLinks
Blogging Fusion

spacer.png, 0 kB
  • The Fading LPThe world is constantly evolving.  It is inevitable; all that is now, will be no more.  Traditions are but man's futile attempts to preserve a way of life. …
  • There are two kinds of toilet paper: the good stuff and the other stuff.  The good stuff is fluffy and squeezably soft while the other stuff is scratchy and noticably…
  • My normal breakfast consists of scarfing down a Pop Tart on my way to the office in the morning.  Usually because I'm too lazy to fix something healthy to eat.
  • For 37 years now, I have been an extremely picky eater.  I can't help it, it's just who I am.  I won't eat certain foods for the stupidest reasons.  What…
  • I want to know something.  Who invented the bathroom exhaust fan?  I'll tell you, a genius, that's who.  A veritable God among men.  Whoever it was may have inadvertently saved…
  • I was talking with some friends last night and the topic turned to the best water we'd ever had.  One guy said he took a drink out of a fountain…
  • It's not Cheers or Friends or even MASH.  It's not Who's The Boss or Leave It To Beaver or The Brady Bunch.  Nor is it Scooby Doo or Monday Night…
  • The other day, I was visiting with my parents and my Mom exclaimed with the fervor of a teenager that she found a six dollar store.  A six dollar store? …
  • Yesterday, someone asked me how my day was.  I took a few seconds and then told them, "Pretty good, got a lot done.  Yep, it was a pretty good day." …
  • Growing up, I was kind of a goody-two-shoes.  I really never did anything wrong.  I was only grounded once (a story for another time).  I lived my mischievousness out vicariously…


 
   
Long Schlongs PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ross Cavins   
Sunday, 02 November 2008 19:00

Image
*not actual nephew
I learned something this past weekend that disturbs me.  My four year old nephew Joey has a big schlong.  It's so big that it gets talked about.  The boy is set for life.

I didn't learn this by giving him a bath or anything.  I learned it from my mom.

The other day, she gave his six year old brother a bath.  He was sitting on a tub chair and the water lapped just above his privates.  He yelled for my mom to look!  "Look!  My weenie's floating!"

My mom laughed and said something like, "Good, good.  Now turn around and let me get behind your ears."

In itself, that was funny.  I could end there.  But there was more.

He looked at my mom and said, "If this was Joey, his weenie would be touching the chair."

Let that sink in a moment.  When a six year old boy regards his four year old brother's penis as large, it's probably not an exaggeration.

Mom laughed as she told me this, eyes glistening and cheeks rosy.  I questioned her if this was really so, did my nephew in fact have a big winkie?  She said yes, that when the boy was born, my sister thought something was wrong.  She called my mom in and pointed at it, saying, "I think something's wrong.  Look at it.  It's huge."

With a straight face, my mom told her, "He takes after my side of the family."

In case you're wondering, I didn't get those mutant genetics.

Ten years from now, when Joey is beginning to think about girls, I'll hopefully be an accomplished writer and novelist.  I can see it now.  Joey will want to brag on his uncle.  He'll take one of my books to school, a collection of entertaining blogs, and give it to a girl he likes.  

He'll say, "That's my uncle.  He's a famous writer.  I earmarked a few pages for you."

 

 
article thumbnailThings You Can Get For Five Bucks

The interwebs has changed everything. Not only can I order my Dominos pizza online, but I can control a client's computer or discover new music or research Germany, all from the comfort of my duct-t [ ... ]


article thumbnailA Letter to Arby's

Dear Arby's,

First, I would like to begin by thanking you for the invention of the curly fry.  It is amazing, with its unique shape and lovely spices; it is indeed a credit to American ingenuity.

But [ ... ]


Other Articles
 
spacer.png, 0 kB
spacer.png, 0 kB
   
RCG Hosting - admin - Copyright © 2007-2010 Ross Cavins