Generated by All in One SEO v4.9.10, this is an llms.txt file, used by LLMs to index the site. # Ross Cavins Author Author, Funny Humor and such. ## Sitemaps - [XML Sitemap](https://rosscavins.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website. ## Posts - [Barry vs The Apocalypse](https://rosscavins.com/barry-vs-the-apocalypse-it-begins/) - I agonized for a while over what to do with Barry vs The Apocalypse. And finally, I made a decision. I'm going to run my first Kickstarter campaign! - [Two Years Later](https://rosscavins.com/two-years-later/) - It's been a while since I updated my website. I figure it's time because a lot has happened in my life. Personal, professional, and unprofessional. So let's get started. - [America's Next Ripoff](https://rosscavins.com/americas-next-ripoff/) - EBookMall.com has put on a contest called, America's Next Author. A long-time friend of mine sent it my way as something I might be interested in. I thought, why not? So I looked into it. But this writing contest is not just any writing contest. This one's different. This one has me trying to be popular. I'm gonna lose. - [Ross Cavins Releases Follow The Money](https://rosscavins.com/ross-cavins-releases-follow-the-money/) - Yet another interview with F. Lawrence Caslin on Scrivel.com about my upcoming book, Follow The Money. Today, it is released!!! Click and enjoy! Interview Here - Ross Cavins Releases "Follow The Money" - [An Interview with Ross Cavins about his upcoming book release](https://rosscavins.com/an-interview-with-ross-cavins-about-his-upcoming-book-release/) - I get interviewed on Scrivel.com about my upcoming book, Follow The Money. Check it out and enjoy! Interview Here - An Interview with Ross Cavins about his upcoming book release - [Milfs Abound](https://rosscavins.com/milfs-abound/) - Stacy's Mom - Rachel Hunter. MILF. A term I believe was made widely popular by the movie American Pie . It means Mother-I'd-Love-to-Fornicate. The F doesn't really stand for fornicate. When I was sixteen, I had a thing for MILFs. I liked older women. Truthfully, I liked any women, but the mature ones held - [Fat Boy Asthma](https://rosscavins.com/fat-boy-asthma/) - Growing up, I had what I affectionately called "Fat Boy Asthma." Whenever I would play sports, I had trouble breathing. I never experienced an attack for no reason like most asthma sufferers, it only happened when I exerted myself. In fact, that's what the doctor's called it, over-exertion asthma . I still called it Fat - [A Cheesedog Like No Other](https://rosscavins.com/a-cheesedog-like-no-other/) - About twenty years ago, I went to an old soda shop style restaurant in downtown Burlington named Zack's. Their main fare was hot dogs and Cokes in ten ounce glass bottles. And everything was always served with a smile and a thanks. Zack's hot dogs has been a staple of North Carolina's piedmont since 1928, - [The Obligatory Halloween Blog](https://rosscavins.com/the-obligatory-halloween-blog/) - Halloween, a license to pretend. Halloween is probably the funnest holiday ever invented. Not only is it during the best time of the year, Autumn, but it is mandatory to be someone else. The holiday is a license to pretend and what could be more fun? Since the earliest days of my memories, pretending - [Homage To The Southern Biscuit](https://rosscavins.com/homage-to-the-southern-biscuit/) - The Southern Biscuit. In the South, we take a lot of things in stride. If it rains on game day, we shrug and celebrate that at least we don't have to work in the yard. If our car breaks down, we call someone to pick us up. But whatever you do, don't mess with our - [The End of Baseball Rain](https://rosscavins.com/the-end-of-baseball-rain/) - The Impervious Baseball Rain November is finally kicking into full swing and the cold is upon us. After a month of teasing us with relatively mild temperatures, Autumn has turned the corner. Summer in the South is marked with intensity. Whether it's intense heat, intense humidity or intense thunderstorms; summers here are characterized by extremes. - [Thanks For Giving](https://rosscavins.com/thanks-for-giving/) - The Thanksgiving Feast. It's that time of the year again. The leaves have turned from brilliant oranges and yellows to shades of brown. The time had changed and temperatures have cooled and most importantly, Turkey Day is here! Officially, in America, November 22 is Thanksgiving Day this year (always the 4th Thursday in November). A - [The Other Twin](https://rosscavins.com/the-other-twin/) - This short story was published at hackwriters.com in October 2007. It is based almost entirely on a true story. IT WAS 1968, a summer of love, and so it was with Martha and Odell. They had three girls, the youngest at sixteen months, and another child on the way. Back then, you didn't know - [Fat Chance](https://rosscavins.com/fat-chance/) - This short story was originally published at hackwriters.com in October 2007. Can't you just feel the cynicism? I was once on a reality TV show where the contestant who lost the most weight won the prize money. I never saw so many fatties in one place making fools of themselves for a hundred - [The Lyric Mangler](https://rosscavins.com/the-lyric-mangler/) - It's a complete mystery to me. How my five year old nephew can remember the words to every song he hears. How he can recite entire passages from movies verbatim. I don't understand, he must have a gene I don't. I can't even sing a Christmas song completely through without substituting words that sound the - [Rudolph Sends Wrong Message](https://rosscavins.com/rudolph-sends-wrong-message/) - The Original Rudolph Booklet The song of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer dates from 1939, when the Chicago-based Montgomery Ward company asked one of their copywriters to come up with a Christmas story they could give away to shoppers as a promotional gimmick. Robert L. May rejected a few names for the story (Rollo, Reginald) before - [The Hating Of Duke](https://rosscavins.com/the-hating-of-duke/) - UNC vs Duke Every year about this time, legions of ACC fans begin to tingle with excitement. The hardwoods have opened up and college basketball is well underway. Power teams are playing their share of cupcakes and contenders in an effort to hone their squads into shape for conference play. Mid-majors are salivating at their - [The Yard Art Phenomenon](https://rosscavins.com/the-yard-art-phenomenon/) - A Garden Gnome. An epidemic has swept the South, one of epic proportions that threatens the very underpinnings of good taste. We've all seen it and we've all commented on it, it's the phenomenon of yard art and it's a plague that seems to have set in for the long haul. Yard art takes on - [Movie Review: Spider-Man 3 (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-spider-man-3-2007/) - Gayness Personified Spider-man 1 didn't trip my trigger and Spider-man 2 slightly redeemed the series. But Spider-man 3 was the gayest of all three. With such cheap tricks as an unexplained meteorite, short-term amnesia and hullaballoo science via a particle accelerator ... Spiderman 3 dips deep into Hollywood's wastebasket. Add to that a cobbled-together plot - [Scrabble on TV](https://rosscavins.com/scrabble-on-tv/) - I was playing Scrabble yesterday and I began to wonder if they televised the Scrabble championships. They have them, you know, because I've read about them. But do they televise them? Do they provide play-by-play with color commentary? Announcer Voice: Hello and welcome again to Pawtucket, Rhode Island, home of Hasbro, for the 2008 World - [Movie Review: Hot Fuzz (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-hot-fuzz-2007/) - Bloody Hilarious Hot Fuzz is a British comedy brought to you by the director and writer of Shaun of the Dead, this movie is drop-dead hilarious and wonderfully well-produced. One of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time, Hot Fuzz serves up that dry humor the Brits are so well-known for. A strict - [The Great Diet Switch](https://rosscavins.com/the-great-diet-switch/) - Diet Mountain Dew The biggest moment in my life wasn't my sixteenth birthday. It wasn't the junior or senior prom. It wasn't the day of my weddings (nor my divorces). It wasn't even the day I lost my virginity. The biggest moment in my life was the day I made the switch to diet drinks. - [Bed Security](https://rosscavins.com/bed-security/) - There's a lot I miss about being married or in a serious relationship. Cuddling on the couch when we'd watch TV, cooking a grandiose meal for two, taking naughty showers together. And even providing bed security. Women know what I'm referring to, it's something that's innate in their genetic coding. I never knew I was - [Movie Review: Ocean's Thirteen (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-oceans-thirteen-2007/) - Ocean's Thirteen is the third in a series of con films beginning with Ocean's Eleven and Ocean's Twelve. Ocean (played by George Clooney) organizes a group of grifters and attempts to swindle a casino owner. Excellently produced and every bit as good as Ocean's Eleven. All the gang's back except Julia Roberts and you never - [The Greatest TV Intro Ever](https://rosscavins.com/the-greatest-tv-intro-ever/) - It's not Cheers or Friends or even MASH. It's not Who's The Boss or Leave It To Beaver or The Brady Bunch. Nor is it Scooby Doo or Monday Night Football or Arrested Development. No, the greatest TV show intro ever edited is none other than ... The Six Million Dollar Man! First of all, - [Movie Review: Disturbia (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-disturbia-2007/) - Although not an original idea (see Hitchcock: Rear Window), Disturbia has some interesting characters and plot twists. Shia LaBeouf is a disturbed teenager who is sentenced to house arrest and witnesses (or imagines) a murder in his neighbor's house. Befriended by a new young hottie neighbor, Sarah Roemer, they set out with his best friend - [The Great Cereal Blog (part 2)](https://rosscavins.com/the-great-cereal-blog-part-2/) - I don't look this gay. First, The Great Cereal Blog (part 1) Remember when you were a kid and it was a big deal to go to the grocery store? Do you recall why it meant so much to you? Did it by any chance have anything to do with the venerated cereal aisle? Ahh, - [Public Booger Mining](https://rosscavins.com/public-booger-mining/) - The First Knuckle Method. You've seen these people. We all have. The people that engage in some good old fashioned public booger mining. That's my politically correct term for nose picking. I call it booger mining. Ingenious, huh? Conjures up visions of midgets with hardhats and lanterns, singing camp songs as they descend into the - [Movie Review: Blood Diamond (2006)](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-blood-diamond-2006/) - Sparkling The plot of Blood Diamond centers around the smuggling of conflict diamonds from the war-ravaged Sierre Leone into the world economy. Leonardo DiCaprio plays the smuggler who discovers a refugee that knows the whereabouts of a 100 carat raw diamond and braves everything to retrieve it from a land deluged in civil war. A - [Shooting At Suitcases](https://rosscavins.com/shooting-at-suitcases/) - Dangerous Luggage I caught the ass end of a movie on cable today. I don't remember the name of it but it doesn't matter. What I want to point out is that they were shooting at suitcases and I don't know why. Actually, it was a typical Hollywood shootout scene on the TV; the good - [Movie Review: We Are Marshall (2006)](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-we-are-marshall-2006/) - This is the adaptation of the true story of the demise and rebirth of the Marshall University football program after a plane crash kills 99% of the players and coaches and support staff. Hands down, one of the best sports movies I've ever seen. Based on a true story, We Are Marshall delivers a heart-wrenching - [The Lost Art of Shoe Tying](https://rosscavins.com/the-lost-art-of-shoe-tying/) - Kids nowadays, they got it made. When I say kids, I mean little humans under the age of seven. The ones who are excited about going to school because homework is actually fun. The ones who can still get away with an occasional poop in the pants. The ones who still bother Grandpa to play - [Movie Review: For Your Consideration (2006)](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-for-your-consideration-2006/) - Mockuliscious For Your Consideration centers its parody-style story around the filming of Home For Purim and the Oscar buzz that surrounds it. Christopher Guest and his usual crew of merry makers churn out yet another great mockumentary, this time about the movie industry itself. Home For Purim is the imaginary movie being shot within For - [The Raisin Bran Conspiracy](https://rosscavins.com/the-raisin-bran-conspiracy/) - I'm 36. I've been in love more than once and I've done my fair share of traveling. I've been to Disney World, I've seen the Grand Canyon, and I've partied in Time Square. I'm 36 and I just had my first bowl of Raisin Bran. Now I'm the first to admit I grew up sheltered - [Movie Review: Superbad (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-superbad-2007/) - Judd Apatow turns out a surprising winner with this hilarious high school movie. The characters in Superbad are indelible to the very end and make this movie work on many levels. Their mishaps, dialogue and personalities drive the plot forward, amusing you the entire trip. Superbad is a typical high school story, via American Pie, - [The Worst Position in Football](https://rosscavins.com/the-worst-position-in-football/) - I never played football growing up because my mom wouldn't let me. I was accident prone enough without adding eleven guys to the equation, all in pads (read: armor) trying their best to knock me on my almost-non-existent ass . But if I had played, there's one position I wouldn't have wanted. Center. For those - [Movie Review: Rescue Dawn (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-rescue-dawn-2007/) - Needs Rescuing Christian Bale stars as Dieter Dengler, an Air Force Ranger that gets shot down over Laos during a pre-Vietnam black ops mission. His capture, torture and rescue comprise the plot to this real-life story of the human spirit. Bale plays a very complex character in what turns out to be an extremely slow - [Can You Hear Me Now?](https://rosscavins.com/can-you-hear-me-now/) - Who the hell's he talking to? No, this isn't about a stupid cell phone commercial where a chubby geeky guy walks around saying the stupid catch-phrase into a dummy phone. (Side note: I had seen three different commercials before I noticed his wannabe beer gut. You see it?) This post is about those stupid hearing - [Movie Review: Gone Baby Gone (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-gone-baby-gone-2007/) - Powerful Casey Affleck plays a young detective hired to find a woman's abducted niece. But his partner/wife is reluctant to take the case because she doesn't want to be the one to find a dead girl in a dumpster somewhere. After seeing the girl's picture, they break down and take the three-day old case. The - [The Last Milli Vanilli Fan](https://rosscavins.com/the-last-milli-vanilli-fan/) - Blame it on the Producer. Back in the spring of 1989 when Milli Vanilli released their smash Album, Girl You Know It's True, a friend of mine introduced them to me. I made a copy of her cassette (life before CDs in my world) and practically wore it out in my tape deck. It was - [Dre Not As Good As Cube](https://rosscavins.com/dre-not-as-good-as-cube/) - Yeah, you heard me right: Dre not as good as Cube. I overheard this the other day out in public. I don't know about you but I didn't need to hear any more. What witticism can you follow this up with anyway? Any actual conversation that follows would be pale in comparison to one you - [My First Date](https://rosscavins.com/my-first-date/) - Everyone remembers their first date. It's a special experience that you never forget. Like your first real kiss. Or your first car. Or your first computer. My first date was with Angela Smith. We were both fifteen and went to different schools. That's how I got the date, she didn't know I was a nerd. - [I Blame the Gremlins](https://rosscavins.com/i-blame-the-gremlins/) - Cute and Cuddly Gismo. Wus. When I was younger, much younger, the movie "Gremlins " was released. I was twelve when we went to see it in the theatre and let me tell you, this was not a movie for kids. It was a horror film. I know Spike laughed all the time, and he - [The Dreaded Condom Aisle](https://rosscavins.com/the-dreaded-condom-aisle/) - One for every mood. All men eventually experience that first time in the condom aisle. Be it in the local drug store or the 7-11 down the street, we've all had that "emergency" purchase. It's a very uncomfortable situation, worse than being the schmuck at the register when the teenage girl asks over the intercom - [A Legacy of Humor](https://rosscavins.com/a-legacy-of-humor/) - It's every humor writer's goal to write humor that is not only funny, but lasts a lifetime. A good humorist strives to make his experiences in life relatable and enjoyable for the masses while being unique and witty enough to create his own voice. That's what I want, to leave behind a legacy of humor. - [My LOL Cat](https://rosscavins.com/my-lol-cat/) - Well, I thought I'd try something a little different this week. My bio and profile on other sites always talks about my cat and how awesome he is (but whiny) so here you go. I finally enter the LOLCatz craze by writing some nutty sayings over picture of my cat. Although, I feel that if - [Pears: The Un-Fruit](https://rosscavins.com/pears-the-un-fruit/) - What is the definition of a fruit? Dictionary.com defines it as "the edible part of a plant developed from a flower, with any accessory tissues." But I disagree. Fruit: Any manner of food that is eventually made into an artificial flavor used in Kool-Aid, Jolly Ranchers or Jello. That covers all the good ones in - [We Are The World](https://rosscavins.com/we-are-the-world/) - We are the children. We are the ones who make a brighter day so let's start giving. That's how the song goes and even though tons of stars banded together to record it for a good cause, I hate the song with an intense passion. Why, you may ask? Why would I hate this symbol - [Good TP & Low-Flow Toilets](https://rosscavins.com/good-tp-a-low-flow-toilets/) - There are two kinds of toilet paper: the good stuff and the other stuff. The good stuff is fluffy and squeezably soft while the other stuff is scratchy and noticably thin. The good stuff has commercials where kids cram it under their clothes and suddenly become indestructible. They can run into other kids, play football, - [Shirt In Or Out?](https://rosscavins.com/shirt-in-or-out/) - Kids always find ways to rebel against older generations. They do it through music and art and hair styles and more obviously, through clothing fashions. For instance, do you tuck your shirt in or leave it out? This was a conversation I had with a friend months ago. I wore my shirts tucked in, he - [The Story of Dishwater Johnson](https://rosscavins.com/the-story-of-dishwater-johnson/) - Dishwater Johnson is a guy everyone knows. We see him everywhere. In a McDonald's drive-thru paying with a hundred. At a construction site with his hat on backwards. In a Wal-Mart parking lot trying to park in the space with the cart corral. Dishwater Johnson is the guy who drives ten miles down the highway - [The Disappearance of Things](https://rosscavins.com/the-disappearance-of-things/) - The Fading LP The world is constantly evolving. It is inevitable; all that is now, will be no more. Traditions are but man's futile attempts to preserve a way of life. But traditions are easily corrupted. Such is the disappearance of things. Remember when dads had shoe polish and shined their shoes? I bought a - [Getting There From Here](https://rosscavins.com/getting-there-from-here/) - Men can be defined in more ways than having a penis. We like our sports, whether we're playing them or watching them. We fart in our sleep even if we swear up and down that we don't. And we love to give directions. Men will even compete over who has the best directions. There are - [Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper ](https://rosscavins.com/diet-cherry-vanilla-dr-pepper/) - After succumbing to the inevitable metabolism death, I underwent The Great Diet Switch . Since that fateful day when I swore off regular sodas, I have rarely to drink one. When a diet choice is available, even a particularly nasty one, I always take it. Such is my commitment. Even though I haven't lost a - [Across The Universe](https://rosscavins.com/across-the-universe/) - I did it. Despite the advice of a trusted movie friend, I watched the musical, Across The Universe. This was a leap for me, you see, because other than Grease, I have hated every musical every produced. I even hate musicals I've never seen. Why? I don't know. There are some foods I hate that - [Goldie Hawn and the Prius](https://rosscavins.com/goldie-hawn-and-the-prius/) - "Housesitter" ran on TBS this past weekend (written in mid-July). I kept the sound off while I tried to write about different things. I read through the paper where it talked about Toyota building its Prius here in the U.S. That's not funny. I read where investors fear that a bailout for Fannie Mae and - [What 37 Means To Me](https://rosscavins.com/what-37-means-to-me/) - I had a birthday this past Thursday. I turned 37. Getting older means different things to different people. Thirty-seven isn't a magic number by any means, to most people, but to me, it promises to be a year to remember. What does 37 mean to me? The year of 37 is the beginning of my - [Our Old Food](https://rosscavins.com/our-old-food/) - Old people like to eat certain foods that no one else eats. Or at the very least, foods they are stereotyped to eat because it's a dying food. Like them. I've always wondered why certain foods follow generations and then disappear. Then I wonder, what will by my old food? Generation X's old food? Is - [I Follow The Moose Tracks](https://rosscavins.com/i-follow-the-moose-tracks/) - Moose Tracks is one of the most popular ice cream flavors around. Created by Denali Flavors , it first came on the market in the mid-90s and has steadily swept the nation. I first remember trying it with Wife #1 in a little ice cream parlor on the waterfront in Savannah, Georgia. Yum. Moose Tracks, - [That Time of the Year](https://rosscavins.com/that-time-of-the-year/) - It's here, it's finally here! I never thought it would come but now it has. Dove Season officially opened in North Carolina on Labor Day!! Yep, you heard me. It's now legal to go out and shoot those pesky doves that are always eating up the garden. The good thing is, you can bag up - [The Jew and the Bacon](https://rosscavins.com/the-jew-and-the-bacon/) - BLT - hold the L and T I have two bosses, a 49-yr old Korean woman and an 86-yr old Jewish man. The woman is the caring, motherly type that treats me like another son. The old man is a codgy bugger who built a couple million-dollar companies up from scratch and now plays around - [The Picky Eater](https://rosscavins.com/the-picky-eater/) - For 37 years now, I have been an extremely picky eater. I can't help it, it's just who I am. I won't eat certain foods for the stupidest reasons. What reasons? You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Of course, I'll try. And maybe some of you out there will learn that you're not - [The Blind Date From Hell (pt1)](https://rosscavins.com/the-blind-date-from-hell-pt1/) - It was the summer of '91 and the first time in my life since I'd began dating that I found myself alone. I just came off an engagement break-up and had met a girl at college who went home for the summer. She would eventually become my first wife seven years later but all I - [The Blind Date From Hell (pt2)](https://rosscavins.com/blind-date-from-hell-pt2/) - I pulled up to Becky's place in my Mustang and lightly tapped the horn, as she'd asked me to do. I waited. And waited. The house wasn't in the best part of town which should have tipped me off right there but I'm an eternal optimist. I tapped the horn again and waited, beginning to - [The Last Potato](https://rosscavins.com/the-last-potato/) - This past Sunday night, I ate dinner at my parent's house. Also in attendance were my sister and her new husband. It was a simple dinner of grilled hot dogs with all the fixins and pan-fried potato slices. The meal was more about the company than the food itself. I made my two hot dogs - [Yard Sale Fever](https://rosscavins.com/yard-sale-fever/) - So I had a yard sale with my parents and my sister this past weekend. I know what you're thinking, in October? Don't worry, the weather was a brisk 60 degrees; it was nice. Rain had threatened us all week but it came a day early and stopped around four in the morning, just in - [The Kettlenetics K-Bell](https://rosscavins.com/the-kettlenetics-k-bell/) - Look out for the newest fitness fad that's sweeping the nation! It's the exercise craze that's got Hollywood stars Matthew McConaughey and Katherine Heigel looking like a million dollars. It's Kettlenetics!! And oh my god, it's a real product. It may be the gayest exercise product I've ever seen. Some joker has taken the time - [Long Schlongs ](https://rosscavins.com/long-schlongs/) - *not actual nephew I learned something this past weekend that disturbs me. My four year old nephew Joey has a big schlong. It's so big that it gets talked about. The boy is set for life. I didn't learn this by giving him a bath or anything. I learned it from my mom. The other - [The Brotherhood of the Traveling Boxers](https://rosscavins.com/the-brotherhood-of-the-traveling-boxers/) - My friend Jeff and I were heading out for burgers when he pulled the top of his boxers out of his pants and said, "You know how long I've had these?" Usually when I hear a rhetorical question, I answer with something outlandish. Like "Gary Oldman." Or "three". Or "blue roses." But this time, Jeff - [You Can't Catch Me!](https://rosscavins.com/you-cant-catch-me/) - My parents are getting older. They're in their sixties now. While that's still relatively young by today's standards, they can't do things like they used to. Every time I visit home, one or both of them is hobbling in some new way. Hips, knees, shoulders, ankles. Their bodies are slowly falling apart and sometimes, it's - [Book Release: Follow The Money](https://rosscavins.com/book-release-follow-the-money/) - Now, from one of America's unsung writers, Ross Cavins, comes a book so humorous, so vile, so inane ... it could only be a cry for help. Re-edited and re-released in July, 2010, just in time for the Christmas rush. If you're looking for that perfect gift to give the person who has everything, this - [Thoughts On Being Thankful](https://rosscavins.com/thoughts-on-being-thankful/) - Thanksgiving is approaching and although it's not as big a deal in my family as Christmas is, I always try and take a moment to remember what the holiday stands for. Figuratively. To be thankful. I'm thankful for my family. They are always there and always support me. Even when I screw up and let - [A Regular Seven](https://rosscavins.com/a-regular-seven/) - I got a chance to see my two nephews this past weekend and as always, their innocent insight into the world proved to be enlightening. From Monkey Poop to thoughts on what colors of food are edible, they have a knack of pointing out things that us "adults" miss. For instance, did you know that - [The Bathroom Chair](https://rosscavins.com/the-bathroom-chair/) - not actual bathroom or chair I went to a married friend's party this past weekend. There were mostly couples there but my buddy promised me there would be some single women too. So I went. It was awkward at first because I haven't dated in a while but their house is huge so whenever I - [Let Men Do Men Things](https://rosscavins.com/let-men-do-men-things/) - Caution: Men Working My dad and I just finished a garden retaining wall / walkway project we started a few months ago. We worked on it diligently every weekend it wasn't raining and this weekend, finished it in the drizzle. We built a 5-block high retaining wall and dug out a walkway three inches deep - [Biltmore on a Budget](https://rosscavins.com/biltmore-on-a-budget/) - This past week, I took a vacation to Asheville. I don't live there yet but I've planned on moving there after the New Year. So I figured that I should at least vacation there since I've never actually been. So, to ring in the New Year, I took off for a week. On Friday, my - [Romancing The Stone](https://rosscavins.com/romancing-the-stone/) - I'm beginning my Life 3.0 and this weekend was one of mile"stones" for me. I bought a car, a 2004 Pontiac Aztek. It's ugly, I know ... it's so ugly I love it. More on that later ... I also finalized moving to a new house. More on that later ... What really made this - [Rogaining My Life Away](https://rosscavins.com/rogaining-my-life-away/) - I've done it. I ordered the generic version of Rogaine. Minoxidil is the magic ingredient and it promises to restore my masculinity. I know the negatives. It'll make my scalp itch. Maybe even dry it out some. It may not work even for me. And if it does, I'll have to use it for the - [The Super Bowl Party](https://rosscavins.com/the-super-bowl-party/) - * Not actual party. I went to a Super Bowl Party this past Sunday and saw a friend I hadn't seen in almost ten years. It was good to catch up on what had happened in our lives and even though we've emailed and stuff since we last saw each other, sometimes it takes that - [Pocketbooks and Fishing Line](https://rosscavins.com/pocketbooks-and-fishing-line/) - Growing up, I was kind of a goody-two-shoes. I really never did anything wrong. I was only grounded once (a story for another time). I lived my mischievousness out vicariously through others. Thus, the story of the pocketbooks and fishing line. My friends and I lived way out in the country on a road that - [The Patio Project](https://rosscavins.com/the-patio-project/) - For the last 2 Sundays, I've worked on the patio at my new place. Before, it was a dangerous sort of walk from the back door because you had to be careful where you stepped. One could have easily twisted their ankle and since I get hurt enough without help, I couldn't afford for that - [Pop Tarts (among other things)](https://rosscavins.com/pop-tarts-among-other-things/) - My normal breakfast consists of scarfing down a Pop Tart on my way to the office in the morning. Usually because I'm too lazy to fix something healthy to eat. Sometimes, though, I switch to a granola bar. Peanut Butter S'mores or Chocolate Chip Chunk. Good stuff. But lately, I've been into the Strawberry and - [Pork, The Natural Laxative](https://rosscavins.com/pork-the-natural-laxative/) - Yesterday, I made the bestest breakfast in the world. I fried up three sausage patties, six slices of bacon, and two eggs over easy. Then I added two pieces of toast, slathered in enough butter so that it seeped through to the back of the bread. In an expert's opinion, it's not a real healthy - [Holmium Laser Lithotripsy or (Kidney Stone Blaster!)](https://rosscavins.com/holmium-laser-lithotripsy-or-kidney-stone-blaster/) - This past week, I had my bi-annual kidney stone attack. Only, this attack was a culmination of a bunch of small attacks that have happened over the last few months. It finally got to the point where I couldn't keep anything down (read: upchuck) and I decided to call my urologist. It happened Sunday night - [Old Man Dancing](https://rosscavins.com/old-man-dancing/) - Stress is one of those realities of life that we all experience. Whether it's stress on our job or stress in our relationships, eventually this harbinger affects us all. It's how we handle this stress that separates our good days from our bad. One day last week, I was having one of those stressful days - [The New Dinner Table](https://rosscavins.com/the-new-dinner-table/) - In days long gone, the dinner table served as a gathering place for families. It was the social gathering site where the day was recounted over a hot cooked meal, and the family coalesced into a single unit after being apart for the day. Life updates were exchanged over clinking silverware and emptying plates. What - [52 Fake Dog Poo](https://rosscavins.com/52-fake-dog-poo/) - The world is an amazing place. Doctors and scientists find cures for diseases every day. We communicate through tiny waves sent to space in spectrums that we can neither see nor hear without some pretty amazing technology to translate. We can travel from one side of the world to another in a few hours. And - [A Myriad of Grammar Problems](https://rosscavins.com/a-myriad-of-grammar-problems/) - I've written about how our nation's spelling acuities have decreased since the advent of the internet. As a people, we spell bad. Real bad. But something that often escapes us is how bad our grammar is. Now granted, I have a Computer Science degree, not an English degree. So in many instances, I'm as guilty - [Thirty Years Later](https://rosscavins.com/thirty-years-later/) - Second grade. Mrs. Mim's class. It was a time of innocence and playfulness. We were kids who knew nothing of the gas shortage or the real world. The nation had not yet tasted inflation, political correctness hadn't been invented and computers were the size of an office building. It was 1978; I was seven years - [An American Dream ... In India](https://rosscavins.com/an-american-dream-in-india/) - I belong to this company that pays you to accept email ads. It's not too annoying and right now, I have $76 built up in my account. With all the advertising out there that I get bombarded with and offered no compensation, this is a welcome change. About a month ago, I received an ad - ["Ass-Effects" a Promising New Drug](https://rosscavins.com/qass-effectsq-a-promising-new-drug/) - Ass-Effects (Aciphex) may cause diarrhea. Ass-Effects, a real drug actually spelled "AcipHex," is a new drug from Eisai Company, Ltd., of Tokyo, Japan. The drug's country of origin should explain the lack of understanding of how this drug sounds on the TV when you're in the kitchen washing dishes. Last month, while on my honeymoon, - [My Dad Wears Mandals](https://rosscavins.com/my-dad-wears-mandals/) - My Dad Wears Mandals I remember when the Mandals craze began. At least I remember when it crept upon my family and took my dad hostage in its thorny little grip. It was the year 2000. Many remember that fateful year as the year that planes were supposed to fall from the sky, the - [The Case of the Discolored Pepperoni](https://rosscavins.com/the-case-of-the-discolored-pepperoni/) - Can you blame me for adding stuff to it? By the time anyone reads this, I'll have been through the experience and we can all laugh about it. But right now, the pain is tearing my insides out and I can't keep liquids down. That's right, yours truly is suffering from a bout of food - [The Pontiac Aztek, a True American Invention](https://rosscavins.com/the-pontiac-aztek-a-true-american-invention/) - My only regret, Front Wheel Drive. In 2001, when the Pontiac Aztek first came out, it was reviled as one of the ugliest cars ever made. At the auto show where it was released, the GM executives even apologized for its look. GM stated at that same show that they needed to sell 30,000 Azteks - [Book Reviews, Book Reviews, Book Reviews](https://rosscavins.com/book-reviews-book-reviews-book-reviews/) - Book Reviews floweth left and right. And all are flowing with praise for my new re-edited book, "Follow The Money." I'm flattered by all the nice words and copious love, and now that there's a little buzz about the book, I only hope that it can live up to the meager hype. Excerpt from - [Review - Meeting Mr. Wrong](https://rosscavins.com/review-meeting-mr-wrong/) - "Don't email me if you want a supermodel. I'm twenty-two, divorced, and I have twins. I'm also overweight, unattractive, and have no education to speak of. I'm pretty much not going to bring anything to the table except the fact that I'm pretty nice and won't ask you to pay my bills. Here's my email - [The Gay Card](https://rosscavins.com/the-gay-card/) - Recently, I entered my wife and I into a "Couple's Best" contest where you submit a 200 word story of how you met, and people vote on the best story. I figured I'd write up our story, and we'd have to win versus all those amateurs. At stake was a $50 mall gift certificate. So - [Overs vs. Unders: The Great Toilet Paper Debate](https://rosscavins.com/overs-vs-unders-the-great-toilet-paper-debate/) - Over Is Right, Under Is Wrong Just the other day, I had to change toilet paper rolls in two of our three bathrooms. I didn't realize it at the time but that small event made me completely ecstatic. You see, I'm an "Over" and my wife is an "Under." Let me explain. In this - [Cross-Pollinating with Sarah The Crazy Baby Mama](https://rosscavins.com/cross-pollinating-with-sarah-the-crazy-baby-mama/) - Cross-Pollinating with Sarah The Crazy Baby Mama ... See my post "The Agent Who Laughed Himself To Death" at her blog today! Desperate Times by The Crazy Baby Mama For the past almost-two years, I’ve been stalking anyone with a baby. No, really. It’s actually even creepier than it sounds: For instance, every time - [Airing My Dirty Nasty Landry](https://rosscavins.com/airing-my-dirty-nasty-clothes/) - I clicked on a thing the other day and was taken to the Samsung webpage for some front-loading washers. Beautiful page. Bad English. And bad ad copy. To wit, I know that Samsung is a Chinese company but OMG. They need to hire some English-speaking proofreaders, and pronto. When you first go to the page: - [Bent All Out Of Joint](https://rosscavins.com/bent-all-out-of-joint/) - I'm thirty-nine years old and I still think of myself as twenty-something. I have a feeling this is what the old saying about being "young at heart" hints toward. As a result of my still feeling young, I sometimes drag my hulking frame out onto the basketball court and try to keep up with - [The Other Side of Me](https://rosscavins.com/the-other-side-of-me/) - My wife and I decided to go see UNCG and Miami play basketball last night. We knew it would be a tough game but after all, we're both Alumni, and we haven't seen a game all year (if you don't count watching it over the web). In fact, I haven't been to an actual game - [The Day I Had A Gun Pointed At My Face](https://rosscavins.com/the-day-i-had-a-gun-pointed-at-my-face/) - Four hours ago, my leasing office was robbed. There were two guys. The tall one pointed a gun at my face while the other told me not to say anything and asked where the money was. The gun had a long barrel. The whole thing took thirty seconds and happened four hours ago ... and - [A Letter to Arby's](https://rosscavins.com/a-letter-to-arbys/) - Dear Arby's, First, I would like to begin by thanking you for the invention of the curly fry. It is amazing, with its unique shape and lovely spices; it is indeed a credit to American ingenuity. But having said that, there are a few things I would like to mention, specifically concerning your restaurant just - [Things You Can Get For Five Bucks](https://rosscavins.com/things-you-can-get-for-five-bucks/) - The interwebs has changed everything. Not only can I order my Dominos pizza online, but I can control a client's computer or discover new music or research Germany, all from the comfort of my duct-taped captain's chair. But the newest thing I've discovered is what I can get for $5. Fiverr.com is a site that's - [The 40-Year-Old Virgin](https://rosscavins.com/the-40-year-old-virgin/) - Dear Diary, I am 40 years old, and today, I finally lost my virginity. No, not that virginity; today, I changed my first diaper. I know what you're thinking: You're 40 and you just changed your first diaper? It's hard to believe, I know, but I'm a guy. There have always been women in my - [An American in Germany: Day One (Ausfahrt)](https://rosscavins.com/an-american-in-germany-day-one-ausfahrt/) - Germany is six hours ahead of US Eastern time and one of the first things you learn about is jetlag. As I write this, it’s 2:38 am German time. We’ve already been to bed and gotten up. Having flown to the west coast, I thought I knew what jetlag was. I didn’t. Jetlag is not - [An American in Germany: Day Two (The Mecca to Aldi)](https://rosscavins.com/an-american-in-germany-day-two-the-mecca-to-aldi/) - We are at the end of Day Two, and Germany continues to impress. Today, I visited my first German castle (it was closed but looked very old and sturdy from the outside). We did eat at the little café beside the castle: I had the schnitzel with cream sauce. And it was amazing. We also - [An American in Germany: Day Three (Grafenroda)](https://rosscavins.com/an-american-in-germany-day-three-grafenroda/) - Day Three was filled with travel, lots of it. And by travel, I mean sitting on our asses in a car. That’s because we drove 4 hours to the birthplace of Gnomes: Grafenroda. But first, we stopped in Mainz, Germany, to visit the Gutenburg Museum. Contrary to popular belief, this is not a museum to - [An American in Germany: Day Four (Chilling Out)](https://rosscavins.com/an-american-in-germany-day-four-chilling-out/) - Today, we chilled, as per the title. We didn’t wake up until 9 AM, and even then we guzzled several cups of coffee before we even thought about what to do. Shea and Drew had both gone to work today, so we were without a car. Thus we were reduced to wandering around Schmitshausen, population - [An American in Germany: Day Five (Saarbrucken)](https://rosscavins.com/an-american-in-germany-day-five-saarbrucken/) - The first thing we did was visit the local garden shop (Hanns Gartnerie), where I finally bought my very own German gnome. I christened him Gordie. Gordie the German Garden Gnome. He’s colorless at the moment, but not only is he a bonafied German gnome, he’ll be a project, and he was 1/2 off ... - [An American in Germany: Day Six (Zweibrucken)](https://rosscavins.com/an-american-in-germany-day-six-zweibrucken/) - Zweibrucken translates to “two bridges,” and is a city about 15 minutes south of Schmitshausen, near the border to France. It’s a small town with some attractions of a larger one. Specifically, they have one of the largest and most beautiful Rose Gardens I’ve ever seen. No, really. The website (http://www.europas-rosengarten.de/) claims they have 11 - [I Signed With An Agent!](https://rosscavins.com/signed-with-an-agent/) - It's official; I'm signed! Paula Munier of the Talcott Notch Literary has deemed me worthy as a writer and is willing to take a chance on me. This is bigger than you can begin to comprehend. - [A Visit To Hardees](https://rosscavins.com/a-visit-to-hardees/) - I ran to the grocery store today to get some onions for the homemade spaghetti sauce I'm making for dinner, and the trip took me by a Hardees restaurant. The guy behind the counter was obviously on his first day. Let me try to recreate the experience for you ... - [What I've Been Up To Lately](https://rosscavins.com/what-ive-been-up-to-lately/) - I haven't done an update in a while, because I've been busy with several projects. Besides trying to grow my computer business (anyone need a website?!?!) and working on a new ending for my book On The Run (my agent told me mine was 'outdated' and to make it 'more modern,' whatever that means), I've been working on a book for a friend. - [Typing In All CAPPS](https://rosscavins.com/typing-in-all-capps/) - Hey .. at least the title is clever. - [Dirty Pickles (May 22, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-may-22-2007/) - My first Dirty Pickles comic ... let the raunch begin!! Pubic hair is always funny, especially stuck in a brush. Implies a lot don't you think? See Fred and Marge's personalities beginning to emerge? - [Dirty Pickles (May 23, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-may-23-2007/) - And here's number 2 ... the characters are coming right along. Can't you just see your parents or grandparents sitting around having this conversation? Costco and herbal pills, great combination! - [Dirty Pickles (May 24, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-may-24-2007/) - I love this one, it's one of my favorites. This is the conversation that every parent dreads, the questions they don't want to hear. I thought it would be funny to turn it totally upside-down and have a different outcome. Hehe ... I love it. - [Dirty Pickles (May 25, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-may-25-2007/) - Ever wonder how often old people do it? Hmm ... Not the greatest punch line, I'll admit, but you try writing one to this comic. I think it was a nice dig to how Gramps acts when the lights go out ... stretching ?? - [Dirty Pickles (May 28, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-may-28-2007/) - I love old people, I hope I get old one day. I love how Fred and Marge are always cutting each other down. They feel so real. - [Dirty Pickles (May 29, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-may-29-2007/) - Ahh ... the worries we face every day. I don't care what you say, you can always end a joke with a fart reference and it's always funny. - [Dirty Pickles (May 30, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-may-30-2007/) - Street speak can be entertaining. I mean where do people come up with this stuff? Anaconda? I actually heard this in a conversation before. Grandma's strong ain't she? - [Dirty Pickles (May 31, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-may-31-2007/) - Conversations on the front porch swing never sounded so funny. Old people jokes are so timeless, cause we're all gonna live them if we're lucky enough. - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 1, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-1-2007/) - Marge cooks for Fred. In the original comic, the box was the kitty litter ... hence the kitty in the frame. But when I first looked at the comic, I thought it was a plate of meatloaf. It's funnier being meatloaf. - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 5, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-5-2007/) - Gramps and Timmy go golfing in the back yard. This is the ultimate comic-misdirection. You all thought the same thing ... go ahead admit it. Dirty, dirty ... tsk tsk. - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 5, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-5-2006/) - The ultimate conversation for all married couples. Isn't it so true? I could see my parents having this same exact conversation ... you? Your parents, not mine. Geez. - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 8, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-8-2006/) - We all put on our masks, even if they just cover the crow's feet around our eyes. This joke's been done in lots of movies in some fashion or another. But not in a comic ... it's a first! - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 9, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-9-2006/) - Marge gets a tan. It's not until the last frame that you see that Marge has gotten a tan. In the original comic, they're preparing to go on a vacation and Marge is getting a pre-tan so she doesn't get burned. She tanned a little too much. - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 11, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-11-2006/) - Marge with a tan and a smart-ass husband. Okay, we all have a smart-ass in the family. Fred is being a big one here. - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 12, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-12-2006/) - Fred's still being a pretty big smart-ass. Men have a habit of sticking their foots in their proverbial mouths. Don't we? - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 13, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-13-2006/) - White kids and street slang, funny stuff. Granny Marge still has her tan. Timmy is curious and disappointed. I love the way Timmy throws up his hand at the end, it makes the joke. - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 28, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-28-2006/) - Old people and sex ... seems to be a recurring motif for me. I hope I have sex when I'm old. Hell, I hope I have sex this week. It's always funny to make fun of old men and their penises, isn't it? - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 14, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-14-2006/) - Do you floss? Do you floss as often as you're supposed to? Once again, another fart joke. Gotta love it. - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 15, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-15-2006/) - Old people and their fanny packs, what do they keep in them? Old people and sex ... the thought makes me laugh. Like watching Cocoon all over again ... hehe. - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 26, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-26-2006/) - A typical conversation between an old married couple. And wouldn't you know it ... the man isn't listening to the woman. How original and unheard of ... - [Dirty Pickles (Jun 27, 2007)](https://rosscavins.com/dirty-pickles-jun-27-2006/) - Granny and granddaughter have a heart-to-heart conversation. Not the answer you expected from Granny is it? LOL. - [Sis](https://rosscavins.com/sis/) - Growing up with my sis, we fought and fought. Much more than we should've, much more than we ought. Competition between us was always so fierce, So on we would fight for years and years. - [What I Fear Most, Looking Forward](https://rosscavins.com/what-i-fear-most/) - I look forward to the chicken noodle soup, The bedtime stories causing eyes to droop. Their laughter will fill the house with such joy, I want one of each, a girl and a boy. - [Finalist in Strong Scenes Contest](https://rosscavins.com/finalist-in-strong-scenes-contest/) - I am a finalist in the Strong Scenes Contest for September 2010. I'm hoping everyone will go there, read the 3 short scenes, and vote for the best. It's mine, of course, but it's a free nation. You're allowed to have bad taste. The rest of us get to make fun of you though. It's - [On Scrivel: Time For The Great Pumpkin](https://rosscavins.com/on-scrivel-time-for-the-great-pumpkin/) - I have a new piece appearing on Scrivel: Time For The Great Pumpkin . Please enjoy! - [On Scrivel: The Yellow Jacket Incident](https://rosscavins.com/on-scrivel-the-yellow-jacket-incident/) - I have a new piece on Scrivel written just this past weekend. I think you might enjoy it: The Yellow Jacket Incident . - [On Scrivel: 24 in 24](https://rosscavins.com/on-scrivel-24-in-24/) - I just posted a piece I wrote about the "24" phenomenon. It really doesn't fit in as a Short Story or a Flash Fiction or even an essay. But I feel it fits Scrivel's new format. 24 in 24 - [On Scrivel: "Going Home"](https://rosscavins.com/on-scrivel-qgoing-homeq/) - I have a new piece on Scrivel I think you'll enjoy very much. It's a nostalgic piece in the same vein as Pat Conroy and a direction I hope some of my writing will take: Going Home - [CD Baby Rocks](https://rosscavins.com/cd-baby-rocks/) - I bought some music online the other day from an outfit named "CD Baby ." They specialize in selling independent music of all genres and all of it is DRM-free. It is so much better than buying music at one of those mega-sites because these artists are true artists. They aren't that Top 40 crap - [Recommended Music](https://rosscavins.com/recommended-music/) - Below is all the music I highly recommend and why I do. Most of it is independent stuff because that's where the real music is. Listen to Him Blair Packham: Could've Been King A true songwriter hailing from Canada with a great voice and ear for music. His lyrics and tunes are catchy and vivid. - [The Purpose of Fingernails](https://rosscavins.com/the-purpose-of-fingernails/) - The lungs provide our bodies with life-giving oxygen. The heart pumps our blood, the kidneys filter our system, the eyes provide visual representations of the world around us. We've even discovered that the appendix has a purpose, to store excess bacteria. But what are the fingernails for? Your first thought is that they do serve - [Church For Sale](https://rosscavins.com/church-for-sale/) - On my away home yesterday, a small sign caught my eye. "Church For Sale." It was in front of a little brick church with browning grass and sparse landscaping. It made me wonder, how does someone go about selling a church?Is this something a real estate agent is qualified to do? What if the church - [The Great Cereal Blog](https://rosscavins.com/the-great-cereal-blog/) - As a child during the 70s, when sugar was cheap and inflation a virtual myth, we were privy to a selection of breakfast cereals that, like 60s rock music, can only be crudely imitated these days. From Lucky Charms to Golden Grahams to the Zeus of all cereals, Peanut Butter Crunch` , us Disco kids - [My First Album](https://rosscavins.com/my-first-album/) - I was born in 1971 and I was given my first album in the late seventies. And it was an actual album, not an 8-track or a tape cassette (CDs didn't even exist in science fiction back then). If you knew me now, you'd never guess what my first album was.I'm a major music fan - [PUBLISHED - The Other Twin](https://rosscavins.com/published-the-other-twin/) - Hackwriters.com published another of my stories, a creative non-fiction piece based on a true story. You may go HERE to read it. - [PUBLISHED - Fat Chance](https://rosscavins.com/published-fat-chance/) - I am now a published author. Well, semi-published. Somebody else thought enough to put my words on their site, so I guess that makes me published. Visit hackwriters.com to see my flash fiction story - Fat Chance. At the time of this writing it is on the front page. Hackwriters is part of the new MA - [The Deal Breaker (Part 2)](https://rosscavins.com/the-deal-breaker-part-2/) - NOTE: Please read Part 1 first. The little deal that was too good to be true, really was. Last week, the woman who offered that deal, was arrested at her apartment and hauled away by police.Not only had Tara conned the old man out of the deeds to his two homes, but she'd parted $34,000 from - [Accident Prone](https://rosscavins.com/accident-prone/) - Yesterday, I talked about how accident prone I've been in my life and I just thought I'd share a little of what I've been through. I think that once you read this, you'll see that I'm not just saying I was accident prone. I really was.When I was born, I was circumcised. They lopped off - [Safety Freak](https://rosscavins.com/safety-freak/) - I admit it, I'm abnormal when it comes to safety. I don't know if it's because of nature or nurture, but for some reason, whenever there's a hint of danger, I opt for the safe way to do things.Depending on how you look at it, this will either appear stifling or sweet, but when I - [Big Church Is Big Business](https://rosscavins.com/big-church-is-big-business/) - I heard someone talking yesterday about how this pastor and his church owned half a city block and had a membership of more than five thousand people. By "Big City" standards, that's small but by my little country church standards, it's huge. Too huge. It seems to me that big churches have become big business - [The Concept of Separate Bathrooms](https://rosscavins.com/the-concept-of-separate-bathrooms/) - I have some simple advice. And since I've been married twice and freely admit to my mistakes, you can take it for what it's worth. I can safely say that even though both marriages ended in divorce, I learned a lot during those relationships. One tidbit I've gleaned is to always, no matter what, use - [My First Fight](https://rosscavins.com/my-first-fight/) - Second grade. His name was Marvin. He was in first grade but he was my age. He either failed or was held back or started late. And no, I don't remember who won.Actually, Marvin wasn't my first fight. I've got studio-made pictures from pre-school of me sporting a blond bowl cut and a bloody nose. - [Alone In A Movie Theater](https://rosscavins.com/alone-in-a-movie-theater/) - You know what's great about a weekday matinee movie? Not only is it cheaper but every once in a while, you can get the whole place to yourself.It's not much different from being at home. Except for the gum stuck to the chair. And the overpriced food. And the inability to pause for bathroom breaks. - [America The Slob](https://rosscavins.com/america-the-slob/) - It disgusts me. The litter I see on the side of the road. Potato chip bags, aluminum cans, candy wrappers. You name it, Americans throw it out their car windows instead of simply dropping it into a trash can.Not only is it infuriating to me, it's sad. Down right pathetic. To think the country that - [Salmon Treats Anyone?](https://rosscavins.com/salmon-treats-anyone/) - It was many years ago on a Christmas Eve that my Aunt Pat did something none of us have ever let her forget. On a dare, she ate a cat treat, one of those little soft chewy ones that come in the resealable foil Ziploc packs. I think it was salmon flavor.First, a little background. - [Stealing Our Tennis](https://rosscavins.com/stealing-our-tennis/) - I was hanging out with a bunch of guys watching the US Open on television the other week. We were watching the women's game (no comment) between Venus Williams and Jelena Jankovic when one of the guys said, "Man, I'm getting tired of all these foreigners coming over here and stealing our sports."I looked over - [The Deal Breaker](https://rosscavins.com/the-deal-breaker/) - I had a once in a lifetime deal pass my way the other day and I felt the need to tell you about it. If you had a chance to make forty to fifty thousand dollars flipping a house, wouldn't you be excited too?A tenant my bosses are about to evict dropped by the office - [I Am Native American](https://rosscavins.com/i-am-native-american/) - I was born in America. I was raised in America. I possess a distinctly American belief system. Therefore I'm a Native American by all sense of the term, right? Then why am I supposed to check Caucasian White on all those damn government forms? What they mean by Native American is obviously the race of - [Saying Thanks In The South](https://rosscavins.com/saying-thanks-in-the-south/) - In the American South, we are raised with manners as a matter of breeding. We are taught to hold open doors for complete strangers, help those in need and say thanks to everyone for everything. And I do mean everyone for everything.A few years ago, I was driving about 74 in a 55 during a - [Boy Toy Status Revoked](https://rosscavins.com/boy-toy-status-revoked/) - I turned thirty-six about a month ago and as you can tell from my blog, I consider myself officially getting old. Well, middle aged at least. Thinning hair and aching joints have become priorities, which I think are a decent indication that any "Boy Toy" status I might could have achieved, has vanished.Forever. I've dated - [The Price Of Insanity](https://rosscavins.com/the-price-of-insanity/) - I was telling a friend last night about a movie I'd just seen on IFC, Intacto. It's an amazing foreign film that's totally refreshing and brilliant, especially after being bombarded with a steady barage of predictable Hollywood films. I didn't want to ruin it for him so I just told him of the opening scene - [Attack Of The Halloween Store](https://rosscavins.com/attack-of-the-halloween-store/) - It's the beginning of September and I have already seen three Halloween stores open on the route I take to work. Three stores that sell nothing but Halloween costumes and Halloween accessories. Doesn't this seem a bit much?I remember back when Woolworth's and K-mart used to set up Halloween sections for shoppers. If you wanted - [Looking Forward To Mondays](https://rosscavins.com/looking-forward-to-mondays/) - Among the many number of things I did wrong with my two wives, I did a great many correct. It takes a lot to make a marriage work and outside forces are always working against you. From your jobs threatening to steal your time to bills stealing your money to the mundane daily chores stealing - [Zero Car Loyalty](https://rosscavins.com/zero-car-loyalty/) - Nascar is the biggest sport in America, believe it or not, and its roots originated here in the South. Illegal moonshiners in the mountains would spend their time and money on fast cars so they could outrun the law during transport. And over time, the pursuit became a national pastime. Loyalties to different car brands - [Movie Review: Rocky Balboa](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-rocky-balboa/) - I finally watched the final intallment in the Rocky movie series, Rocky Balboa . At first I hesitated because how good can the sixth of a tired-out movie series be? But then I read that Sylvester Stallone wrote this one and that he wanted the characters to go out on his own terms. That sold - [The Mid-Range Gas](https://rosscavins.com/the-mid-range-gas/) - I have a legitimate question: What type of person buys the mid-octane gas? In America, we're sold three octane levels of gas at the pump; 87, 89 and 92 (or 91 or 93). I grew up always buying the 87 because my Dad would say, "It works just as good as the other stuff." But - [Old Clothing Roulette](https://rosscavins.com/old-clothing-roulette/) - I've got an idea for a game show, and only in America, the land of the TV zombies, could this work. I call it "Old Clothing Roulette."Contestants would bring clothes to the studio from all years of their adult life, along with their high school yearbook photos. Based on those photos and know the other - [England Speaks English](https://rosscavins.com/england-speaks-english/) - I know this seems to be a recurring motif, but in my younger years, I wasn't too swift. Oh sure, I had my IQ points and I did well in school, but I was severely lacking in common sense. There are all sorts of things that I could blame like a late-blooming pubescence or an - [The Greatest Condiment Ever Invented: Ketchup](https://rosscavins.com/the-greatest-condiment-ever-invented-ketchup/) - Some might disagree but they'd be wrong. There are other condiments that run a close second but as far as I am concerned, ketchup is the most important food accompaniment ever invented.The British might make a case for mayonnaise, as would some Southerners. Nothing's better on a cheese or tomato sandwich. And it's almost blasphemy - [If The Shoe Fits ...](https://rosscavins.com/if-the-shoe-fits/) - Back in high school, I worked in the shoe department at Sears in the mall. I started the summer before in Personnel but when school came around, I moved out to the sales floor. Into the shoe department. I was Al Bundy before the show ever existed.This was all back in the time when Sears - [Real Men Use Loofahs](https://rosscavins.com/real-men-use-loofahs/) - It's the new millennium and has been for quite a few years. The definition of what constitutes a man is being rewritten on a daily basis. Not only is he responsible for bringing home the bacon, but also running the kids to soccer practice, making dinner and splitting the housework.Some men go overboard on the - [WWJD: What If Jesus Had Married?](https://rosscavins.com/wwjd-what-if-jesus-had-married/) - Let's pretend for a moment that history was different, or that Dan Brown and the conspiracy theorists were right. Let's play with the idea that Jesus married Mary Magdelene. All you zealots out there go ahead and grab your stones and prepare to get biblical on me.Can you imagine Jesus and Mary dating? Mary Magdelene - [The Bully Who Found God](https://rosscavins.com/the-bully-who-found-god/) - Everyone remembers a couple bullies from their school years. But there's usually one in particular that always stands out. He was the meanest, snottiest excuse for a human being on the face of the earth. He never had mercy and he never cared for anyone but himself.There was one I specifically remember. Let's call him - [Happy Birthing Day To Me](https://rosscavins.com/happy-birthing-day-to-me/) - Just like the song says, I'm another day older and deeper in debt. I've always been a fan of birthdays due to that whole "receiving presents" thing. And check this ... for the privilege of being born, people treat you nice and want to take you out to eat and throw you surprise parties and - [Movie Review: Borat Not Funniest Movie Ever](https://rosscavins.com/movie-review-borat-not-funniest-movie-ever/) - I finally saw the Borat movie a few weeks ago and although I laughed pretty hard at parts of it, I must confess that it wasn't a great movie. I'm pretty much a movie snob, flicks like Fargo and The Fisher King and Memento are what turn me on. But occasionally, I love a good - [Warm Milk and Oatmeal Creme Pies](https://rosscavins.com/warm-milk-and-oatmeal-creme-pies/) - I was talking with a friend the other day and he suddenly turned to me and said, "Do you smell that?" My instinctive reaction was to say, "It wasn't me," but that's not what he was talking about. He said, "It smells like warm milk."I remember thinking, "Oh-kay." I may have even scrunched my face - [The First Dirty Joke I Ever Heard](https://rosscavins.com/the-first-dirty-joke-i-ever-heard/) - I don't remember just how old I was, probably around seven or eight. We had taken a family vacation to the beach and were staying with my aunt and uncle. My uncle's older son and daughter from a previous marriage were there, too. They'd just taught me how to play poker, Las Vegas style, and - [A Zen Koan ... Plucking Chrysanthemums . . .](https://rosscavins.com/a-zen-koan-plucking-chrysanthemums/) - Keeping it simple today ... a zen koan ... I created this graphic from a photo taken by Kevin Adams. You can see his amazing photography HERE.----------------Now playing: The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds (40th Anniversary Edition) -Let's Go Away For A While - [The Bigger Bible](https://rosscavins.com/the-bigger-bible/) - Does a bigger Bible make you a better Christian? I've got a friend that seems to always have this huge Bible with him wherever he goes. I've often wondered if he thinks that makes him more pious or more dedicated. Let's say two priests are standing side by side and you're a devout Christian in - [The Internet Has Ruinned Our Spelling Abilitys](https://rosscavins.com/the-internet-has-ruinned-our-spelling-abilitys/) - It's true. The world's spelling acuity, and America's in particular, has suffered immensely due to one major reason. The advent of the Internet.This new medium has single-handedly opened up communications for the masses. The tables have been turned. Now, more than ever in the history of man, almost anyone can publish their words and thoughts - [Do Something Personal](https://rosscavins.com/do-something-personal/) - Yesterday, someone asked me how my day was. I took a few seconds and then told them, "Pretty good, got a lot done. Yep, it was a pretty good day." He looked at me and said, "You really thought about that."Well, yeah, of course. Why not? That got me to thinking . . . So - [The Best Water I Ever Tasted](https://rosscavins.com/the-best-water-i-ever-tasted/) - I was talking with some friends last night and the topic turned to the best water we'd ever had. One guy said he took a drink out of a fountain at work that day and it was the best water he'd ever tasted, better than anything from a bottle. That got me to thinking, when - [All Hail The Bathroom Exhaust Fan](https://rosscavins.com/all-hail-the-bathroom-exhaust-fan/) - I want to know something. Who invented the bathroom exhaust fan? I'll tell you, a genius, that's who. A veritable God among men. Whoever it was may have inadvertently saved civilization from certain ruin.It's such a simple invention really. A fan attached to a tube to funnel air from one location to another. In this - [Why Divorce Rates Are So High](https://rosscavins.com/why-divorce-rates-are-so-high/) - Okay, first, if you're looking for actual scientific data, you're looking in the wrong place. I'm totally pulling all this stuff out of my rear but since my rear has been divorced twice, I think I have a little experience in the matter. Plus, I'm a fairly intelligent guy that's pretty adept at figuring things - [WWJD: I Bet Jesus Could Dunk](https://rosscavins.com/wwjd-i-bet-jesus-could-dunk/) - If Jesus came back today, I bet he could dunk a basketball. With that whole water-to-wine, healing-the-blind, walking-on-water thing, you know dunking would be a walk in the park. Think about it, Jesus would be one helluva basketball player.Who wouldn't pick Jesus first on their team? With that son-of-God gig, he's pretty much guaranteed to - [I Thought I Was Phish Proof](https://rosscavins.com/i-thought-i-was-phish-proof/) - I'm as tech-savvy as they come. I've been a computer programmer for a major corporation, I've been a head CIS guy, I've run my own businesses, including one where I built internet sites and presences on the web. As far as the internet goes, I was on it long before Al Gore took credit, back - [The Six Dollar Store](https://rosscavins.com/the-six-dollar-store/) - The other day, I was visiting with my parents and my Mom exclaimed with the fervor of a teenager that she found a six dollar store. A six dollar store? I've heard of a dollar store and a 99 cent store, even a two dollar store. But a six dollar store? Where will the madness - [The Stain](https://rosscavins.com/the-stain/) - I have a legitimate question. Why can't food stains be pretty? One day, you're sitting there minding your own business, eating a perfectly good chili burger and when you bring it up to your mouth ... sloosh, chili all over your shirt. And not just chili, it's accompanied by some mustard and ketchup in too. - [Resume Tips](https://rosscavins.com/resume-tips/) - The other day, a friend asked me for help on their resume and I took a minute to write out a coupla tips on how to fix up your resume. I used to own several different businesses and there were certain things I looked for on resumes, things that would catch my attention for the - [The Special Cookies](https://rosscavins.com/the-special-cookies/) - I've been married twice, to two completely different women. Number One was 5-5, long blond hair, green eyes, curvy, smart, from West Palm Beach with a strong Catholic upbringing and strict parents that made you instantly want to save her. When she finally escaped their grasp by moving all the way to North Carolina from - [The Time Warner Debacle](https://rosscavins.com/the-time-warner-debacle/) - The property management place where I work is moving offices and I was put in charge of coordinating all the utilities and services migration. In other words, I had to call BellSouth (now AT&T), Time Warner, etc. and schedule dates for transfer of services, change of address and all that other fun stuff. We were - [Painted Fingernails](https://rosscavins.com/painted-fingernails/) - Painted FingernailsI love painted fingernails on a woman. Simply put. There's just something about it that gives a woman that something extra special. It makes her more feminine, surrounds her with an aura of sexiness. But it doesn't necessarily make her a girly-girl to have them painted.I've seen plenty of tomboys with their fingernails painted, - [Giada de Laurentiis And Emeril Lagasse](https://rosscavins.com/giada-de-laurentiis-and-emeril-lagasse/) - Giada de Laurentiis is just plain hot. There's no getting around it. Not only does she know her stuff about cooking and food, but she's as sexy as a chef can be. Talk about your kitchen fantasies. Move over Julia Childs. Step aside Justin the Cajun cook. Go away Bobby Flay. Giada de Laurentiis is - [Steven Seagal is a Dick](https://rosscavins.com/steven-seagal-is-a-dick/) - Steven Seagal isone of the worst action movie heros of all time (apologies to Chuck Norris). Every movie of his is the same plot with the same moves and the same outcome. There's always a bunch of people fighting with guns and his character usually abhors guns. When one is in front of him, he'll - [William H. Macy](https://rosscavins.com/william-h-macy/) - William H. MacyI have one thing to say about the man, every movie he's in is good. It's that simple. He doesn't pick bad roles or bad movies. He's golden. If you're a movie producer or casting director, you already know what I'm going to say. If you can get William H. Macy to be - [The Chicken Leg](https://rosscavins.com/the-chicken-leg/) - I was eating chicken with a friend the other day, just shooting the breeze and enjoying a nice leisurely meal. He's not necessarily an odd guy, grooms himself decently enough, has a nice tan, a beautiful wife, etc. But there are some odd things about him. For one, he raises exotic animals, like tigers and - [Jesus Loves Me ... But ...](https://rosscavins.com/jesus-loves-me-but/) - Will he talk to the IRS for me? I drive around town and see signs like "Jesus Loves You" and "Jesus Forgives" but my big question is, can he get some of tax debt forgiven? A Jesus Loves You T-shirt.Due to some screwed up business decisions in the past and some oversight at the hands - [A Plate of Happiness](https://rosscavins.com/a-plate-of-happiness/) - I WAS ONLY THERE for lunch but when I saw her for the first time, I knew there was a higher purpose. She was wearing what all the other waitresses were, a pair of black slacks grayed from too many washings with a white dress shirt and pair of black shoes. She was immaculate except - [Don't Use The Kleenex](https://rosscavins.com/dont-use-the-kleenex/) - (They're for company) MY DAD. What a character. He was full of these little gems of wisdom when I was growing up. Hold a door open and you get … What are you trying to do, heat the outside? Or its summer counterpart, You trying to cool the outside? Pinch a penny? My dad - [The Cat](https://rosscavins.com/the-cat/) - from an unpublished collection, Fireside Tales of Jamestown -------An homage to the king of horror, Edgar Allen Poe------- I HAD A CAT ONCE, when I was young. It was black as a moonless night in the country with snow white paws. Sometimes, in the dark, you could only see it coming by the locomotion of its - [Monkeys Pushing Buttons](https://rosscavins.com/monkeys-pushing-buttons/) - WILLIAM JOHNSTON AWOKE Friday morning a different man. He didn't know it yet which made it all the more surprising to him. But he'd figure it out, in time. That's the way it always works. The first thing he did that morning was take a nice hot shower. Only that day, it was merely - [We've Been To Savannah](https://rosscavins.com/weve-been-to-savannah/) - I was talking with my Mom and Dad the other day and I asked if they'd been to Savannah yet. My Mom said they hadn't and my Dad spoke up kind of snippy, saying, "We've been to Savannah." River Street in SavannahThis is a normal conversation with my parents. For the most part, they each - [The Robbery](https://rosscavins.com/the-robbery/) - Okay, here's the deal: My office was broken into over the 4th of July holiday. My computer, my brand new Dell computer, was stolen along with all my personal stuff on it. Thank God I had made backups 1 week ago so most everything can be recovered. Still sucks though. The Ultimate Breakfast Cereal.I've had - [Analyze My Dream](https://rosscavins.com/analyze-my-dream/) - I had a dream last night, of a girl. A girl I'd had a crush on since elementary school. We all have that girl (or guy), the one we noticed in first grade, the one we've always had a sweet spot for, the one we bought jewelry for when we went to her 9th birthday - [Gourmet Cuisine](https://rosscavins.com/gourmet-cuisine/) - Alright ... it's not that funny ... you try thinking of something to go with the glow on Wally ... - [Totally Screwed](https://rosscavins.com/totally-screwed/) - Hehe .. if you've worked in corporate ... you've been here ... - [All The Perks](https://rosscavins.com/all-the-perks/) - Grandaddies and Pimps ... funny stuff ... - [Lost Link To The Past](https://rosscavins.com/lost-link-to-the-past/) - Nobody uses handkerchiefs any more ... gross ... - [An Honest Mistake](https://rosscavins.com/an-honest-mistake/) - Hehe ... I got outsourced once ... and I've waited tables ... inside joke ... - [Theological Talk](https://rosscavins.com/theological-talk/) - The ever-important talk with God ... - [Friends In High Places](https://rosscavins.com/friends-in-high-places/) - Ain't it true? It's only a matter of time before PETA goes after cartoonists. - [Marmaduke the Gigilo](https://rosscavins.com/marmaduke-the-gigilo/) - Marmaduke's the man ... - [The Big Talk](https://rosscavins.com/the-big-talk/) - We all dread the big talk ... - [Chance Meeting](https://rosscavins.com/chance-meeting/) - A Chance Meeting between employer and employee ... - [Bad Cat](https://rosscavins.com/bad-cat/) - A jab at Heathcliff. - [BCs Conundrum](https://rosscavins.com/bcs-conundrum/) - A Crack on BC. - [Merry Christmas](https://rosscavins.com/merry-christmas/) - Family Fun. - [Getting Jiggy](https://rosscavins.com/getting-jiggy/) - Gettin' Jiggy wid it. - [What The?](https://rosscavins.com/what-the/) - A comic I did way back, can't remember the original at all. - [The Wonder Drug](https://rosscavins.com/the-wonder-drug/) - A redone Dilbert comic from way back. - [No Ass Syndrome](https://rosscavins.com/no-ass-syndrome/) - I have no ass. At all. I'm 35 and my ass has left me flatter than my mattress. It just took off one day without writing or saying goodbye. I Have No AssI mean, it's not that I had a big ass to begin with. Really, as I look back, it was always a small - [The Floor Dwellers](https://rosscavins.com/the-floor-dwellers/) - People can be divied into two types and it seems as if most women belong to that one group I don't. You know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about Floor Dwellers. Yep, Floor Dwellers, you know who you are. Sexy Floor DwellerYou're the people who can just plop down anywhere, anytime and be comfortable. - [To Be or Not To Be ... Bald](https://rosscavins.com/to-be-or-not-to-be-bald/) - What is it with this going bald thing? Aren't you supposed to get your bald pattern from your mother's father? Until a few years ago, I used to feel good about what was gonna happen with my thick copse of hair. Then it started. Capt Jean-Luc Picard, Mr. SuaveThe hair began migrating south, away from ## Pages - [Home](https://rosscavins.com/) - [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.24.1″ fb_built=”1″ _i=”0″ _address=”0″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.25″ _i=”0″ _address=”0.0″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” _i=”0″ _address=”0.0.0″ custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_slider module_class=”front-slide” _builder_version=”3.29.2″ background_enable_color=”off” background_image=”https://www.rosscavins.com/contento/uploads/2019/09/front-slide-the-walk-on-1.jpg” _i=”0″ _address=”0.0.0.0″][et_pb_slide use_text_overlay=”off” admin_title=”The Walk-On” _builder_version=”3.29.2″ background_enable_color=”off” background_image=”https://www.rosscavins.com/contento/uploads/2019/09/front-slide-the-walk-on3-1.jpg” background_enable_image=”on” background_position=”top_left” _i=”0″ _address=”0.0.0.0.0″][/et_pb_slide][/et_pb_slider][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.24.1″ fb_built=”1″ _i=”1″ _address=”1″][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_3,1_3,1_3″ _builder_version=”3.25″ _i=”0″ _address=”1.0″][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” _i=”0″ _address=”1.0.0″ custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_blog posts_number=”1″ include_categories=”all” _builder_version=”3.24.1″ _i=”0″ _address=”1.0.0.0″][/et_pb_blog][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” _i=”1″ - [About Me](https://rosscavins.com/about-me/) - Ross Cavins graduated with a BS in Computer Science from UNC Greensboro. He currently works as a freelance website designer and internet programmer and lives in the North Carolina Piedmont. Three divorces and a mid-life crisis pushed him to pursue his life-long dream of writing a book. This is as close as it gets for now. His primary goal is to one day visit a bookstore and hear, "Hey, is this you?" instead of, "Hey, you gonna pay for that?" - [Blog](https://rosscavins.com/blog/) - [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.24.1″ fb_built=”1″ _i=”0″ _address=”0″][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.25″ _i=”0″ _address=”0.0″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” _i=”0″ _address=”0.0.0″ custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” include_categories=”all” _builder_version=”3.29.2″ hover_enabled=”0″ _i=”0″ _address=”0.0.0.0″ animation_style=”fade”][/et_pb_blog][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section] Comments comments ## Categories - [Newsflashes](https://rosscavins.com/category/newsflashes/) - [Poetry](https://rosscavins.com/category/poetry/) - [Short Stories](https://rosscavins.com/category/s8-short-stories/) - Some selected short stories. - [Other Media](https://rosscavins.com/category/other-media/) - [Site](https://rosscavins.com/category/site/) - [Reviews](https://rosscavins.com/category/reviews/) - [Blog](https://rosscavins.com/category/theblog/) - The Daily (or not-so-daily) Blogging rants and raves of Ross Cavins. - [Newsflash](https://rosscavins.com/category/newsflashes/newsflash/) - [Short Stories](https://rosscavins.com/category/s8-short-stories/c17-short-stories/) - A selection of various short stories. - [Book Reviews](https://rosscavins.com/category/reviews/book-reviews/) - [Movie Reviews](https://rosscavins.com/category/reviews/c32-movie-reviews/) - [Dirty Comics](https://rosscavins.com/category/other-media/dirty-comics/) - This is a warning to you all: These comics are not for kids or families or those easily offended by blatant sexual references. They are R-rated and in some cases, maybe even NC-17. You have been warned. Now, enjoy! - [Bad Poetry](https://rosscavins.com/category/poetry/bad-poetry/) - [Site](https://rosscavins.com/category/site/c31-site/) ## Tags - [Blog](https://rosscavins.com/tag/blog/) - [Daily Blogs](https://rosscavins.com/tag/daily-blogs/) - [Analyze My Dream](https://rosscavins.com/tag/analyze-my-dream/) - [The Floor Dwellers](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-floor-dwellers/) - [To Be or Not To Be ... Bald](https://rosscavins.com/tag/to-be-or-not-to-be-bald/) - [No Ass Syndrome](https://rosscavins.com/tag/no-ass-syndrome/) - [The Robbery](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-robbery/) - [We've Been To Savannah](https://rosscavins.com/tag/weve-been-to-savannah/) - [Jesus Loves Me ... But ...](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jesus-loves-me-but/) - [The Chicken LegBlog](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-chicken-legblog/) - [The Chicken Leg](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-chicken-leg/) - [chicken leg devouring eating writing bojangles bone](https://rosscavins.com/tag/chicken-leg-devouring-eating-writing-bojangles-bone/) - [William H. Macy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/william-h-macy/) - [Fargo](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fargo/) - [Thank You For Smoking](https://rosscavins.com/tag/thank-you-for-smoking/) - [Mr. Holland's Opus](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mr-hollands-opus/) - [Searching For Bobby Fischer](https://rosscavins.com/tag/searching-for-bobby-fischer/) - [House of Games](https://rosscavins.com/tag/house-of-games/) - [Wag The Dog](https://rosscavins.com/tag/wag-the-dog/) - [Boogie Nights](https://rosscavins.com/tag/boogie-nights/) - [The Cooler](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-cooler/) - [Seabiscuit](https://rosscavins.com/tag/seabiscuit/) - [Door To Door](https://rosscavins.com/tag/door-to-door/) - [Magnolia](https://rosscavins.com/tag/magnolia/) - [Pleasantville](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pleasantville/) - [The Client](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-client/) - [Steven Seagal](https://rosscavins.com/tag/steven-seagal/) - [worst actor in world](https://rosscavins.com/tag/worst-actor-in-world/) - [chuck norris](https://rosscavins.com/tag/chuck-norris/) - [karate](https://rosscavins.com/tag/karate/) - [martial arts](https://rosscavins.com/tag/martial-arts/) - [Giada de Laurentiis And Emeril Lagasse](https://rosscavins.com/tag/giada-de-laurentiis-and-emeril-lagasse/) - [cleavage](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cleavage/) - [breasts](https://rosscavins.com/tag/breasts/) - [cooking](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cooking/) - [food network](https://rosscavins.com/tag/food-network/) - [everyday italian](https://rosscavins.com/tag/everyday-italian/) - [food](https://rosscavins.com/tag/food/) - [chef](https://rosscavins.com/tag/chef/) - [Painted Fingernails](https://rosscavins.com/tag/painted-fingernails/) - [The Time Warner Debacle](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-time-warner-debacle/) - [internet](https://rosscavins.com/tag/internet/) - [cable modem](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cable-modem/) - [problems](https://rosscavins.com/tag/problems/) - [Time Warner](https://rosscavins.com/tag/time-warner/) - [dork](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dork/) - [dsl](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dsl/) - 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[I Thought I Was Phish Proof](https://rosscavins.com/tag/i-thought-i-was-phish-proof/) - [phishing](https://rosscavins.com/tag/phishing/) - [phish](https://rosscavins.com/tag/phish/) - [WWJD: I Bet Jesus Could Dunk](https://rosscavins.com/tag/wwjd-i-bet-jesus-could-dunk/) - [wwjd](https://rosscavins.com/tag/wwjd/) - [jesus](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jesus/) - [basketball](https://rosscavins.com/tag/basketball/) - [dunk](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dunk/) - [dunking](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dunking/) - [religion](https://rosscavins.com/tag/religion/) - [jew](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jew/) - [jewish](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jewish/) - [christian](https://rosscavins.com/tag/christian/) - [Why Divorce Rates Are So High](https://rosscavins.com/tag/why-divorce-rates-are-so-high/) - [fifties](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fifties/) - [sixties](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sixties/) - [women](https://rosscavins.com/tag/women/) - [men](https://rosscavins.com/tag/men/) - [divorce](https://rosscavins.com/tag/divorce/) - [gender](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gender/) - [gender roles](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gender-roles/) - [marriage](https://rosscavins.com/tag/marriage/) - [The Bathroom Exhaust Fan](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-bathroom-exhaust-fan/) - [bathroom](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bathroom/) - [fart](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fart/) - [smell](https://rosscavins.com/tag/smell/) - [odor](https://rosscavins.com/tag/odor/) - [poop](https://rosscavins.com/tag/poop/) - [foul](https://rosscavins.com/tag/foul/) - [fan](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fan/) - [exhaust](https://rosscavins.com/tag/exhaust/) - [exhaust fan](https://rosscavins.com/tag/exhaust-fan/) - [bathroom fan](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bathroom-fan/) - [The Best Water I Ever Tasted](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-best-water-i-ever-tasted/) - [water](https://rosscavins.com/tag/water/) - [spigot](https://rosscavins.com/tag/spigot/) - [hose](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hose/) - [blue](https://rosscavins.com/tag/blue/) - [drink](https://rosscavins.com/tag/drink/) - 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Plucking Chrysanthemums . . .](https://rosscavins.com/tag/a-zen-koan-plucking-chrysanthemums/) - [zen](https://rosscavins.com/tag/zen/) - [koan](https://rosscavins.com/tag/koan/) - [buddhism](https://rosscavins.com/tag/buddhism/) - [peace](https://rosscavins.com/tag/peace/) - [serenity](https://rosscavins.com/tag/serenity/) - [life](https://rosscavins.com/tag/life/) - [The First Dirty Joke I Ever Heard](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-first-dirty-joke-i-ever-heard/) - [dirty joke](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dirty-joke/) - [joke](https://rosscavins.com/tag/joke/) - [polock](https://rosscavins.com/tag/polock/) - [poland](https://rosscavins.com/tag/poland/) - [polish](https://rosscavins.com/tag/polish/) - [sausage](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sausage/) - [speedo](https://rosscavins.com/tag/speedo/) - [bikini](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bikini/) - [Warm Milk and Oatmeal Creme Pies](https://rosscavins.com/tag/warm-milk-and-oatmeal-creme-pies/) - [little debbie](https://rosscavins.com/tag/little-debbie/) - 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[real men](https://rosscavins.com/tag/real-men/) - [loofah](https://rosscavins.com/tag/loofah/) - [bacon](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bacon/) - [relationships](https://rosscavins.com/tag/relationships/) - [men and women](https://rosscavins.com/tag/men-and-women/) - [August](https://rosscavins.com/tag/august/) - [milf](https://rosscavins.com/tag/milf/) - [If The Shoe Fits ...](https://rosscavins.com/tag/if-the-shoe-fits/) - [shoe](https://rosscavins.com/tag/shoe/) - [buying](https://rosscavins.com/tag/buying/) - [sears](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sears/) - [trying on shoe](https://rosscavins.com/tag/trying-on-shoe/) - [life moment](https://rosscavins.com/tag/life-moment/) - [embarrassment](https://rosscavins.com/tag/embarrassment/) - [The Greatest Condiment Ever Invented: Ketchup](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-greatest-condiment-ever-invented-ketchup/) - [Heinz](https://rosscavins.com/tag/heinz/) - [ketchup](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ketchup/) - [mustard](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mustard/) - [mayo](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mayo/) - [mayonnaise](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mayonnaise/) - [Duke's](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dukes/) - [Hellman's](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hellmans/) - [Tabasco](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tabasco/) - [Texas Pete](https://rosscavins.com/tag/texas-pete/) - [Franks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/franks/) - [RedHot](https://rosscavins.com/tag/redhot/) - [England Speaks English](https://rosscavins.com/tag/england-speaks-english/) - [England](https://rosscavins.com/tag/england/) - [mp3](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mp3/) - [reading](https://rosscavins.com/tag/reading/) - [field trip](https://rosscavins.com/tag/field-trip/) - [english](https://rosscavins.com/tag/english/) - [embarrasing](https://rosscavins.com/tag/embarrasing/) - [moment](https://rosscavins.com/tag/moment/) - [blond](https://rosscavins.com/tag/blond/) - [Old Clothing Roulette](https://rosscavins.com/tag/old-clothing-roulette/) - [bellbottoms](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bellbottoms/) - [bell bottoms](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bell-bottoms/) - [clothes](https://rosscavins.com/tag/clothes/) - [fat](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fat/) - [chubby](https://rosscavins.com/tag/chubby/) - [fat clothes](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fat-clothes/) - [clothing](https://rosscavins.com/tag/clothing/) - [The Mid-Range Gas](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-mid-range-gas/) - [octane](https://rosscavins.com/tag/octane/) - [high octane](https://rosscavins.com/tag/high-octane/) - [premium](https://rosscavins.com/tag/premium/) - [cheap gas](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cheap-gas/) - [gasoline](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gasoline/) - [Rocky Balboa](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rocky-balboa/) - [Sylvester Stallone](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sylvester-stallone/) - [Rambo](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rambo/) - [Beer](https://rosscavins.com/tag/beer/) - [Sports](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sports/) - [Zero Car Loyalty](https://rosscavins.com/tag/zero-car-loyalty/) - [car brand](https://rosscavins.com/tag/car-brand/) - [mustang](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mustang/) - 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[crazy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/crazy/) - [Boy Toy Status Revoked](https://rosscavins.com/tag/boy-toy-status-revoked/) - [old](https://rosscavins.com/tag/old/) - [Saying Thanks In The South](https://rosscavins.com/tag/saying-thanks-in-the-south/) - [speeding ticket](https://rosscavins.com/tag/speeding-ticket/) - [speeding](https://rosscavins.com/tag/speeding/) - [driving](https://rosscavins.com/tag/driving/) - [car](https://rosscavins.com/tag/car/) - [thanks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/thanks/) - [thank you](https://rosscavins.com/tag/thank-you/) - [thank you card](https://rosscavins.com/tag/thank-you-card/) - [I Am Native American](https://rosscavins.com/tag/i-am-native-american/) - [native american](https://rosscavins.com/tag/native-american/) - [american indian](https://rosscavins.com/tag/american-indian/) - [indian](https://rosscavins.com/tag/indian/) - [government](https://rosscavins.com/tag/government/) - [United States](https://rosscavins.com/tag/united-states/) - [census](https://rosscavins.com/tag/census/) - [The Deal Breaker](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-deal-breaker/) - [house](https://rosscavins.com/tag/house/) - [mortgage](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mortgage/) - [flipping](https://rosscavins.com/tag/flipping/) - [home](https://rosscavins.com/tag/home/) - [deal](https://rosscavins.com/tag/deal/) - [Stealing Our Tennis](https://rosscavins.com/tag/stealing-our-tennis/) - [Venus Williams](https://rosscavins.com/tag/venus-williams/) - [Tennis](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tennis/) - [US Open](https://rosscavins.com/tag/us-open/) - [Golf](https://rosscavins.com/tag/golf/) - [Tiger Woods](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tiger-woods/) - [US](https://rosscavins.com/tag/us/) - [America](https://rosscavins.com/tag/america/) - [Superbowl](https://rosscavins.com/tag/superbowl/) - [Salmon Treats Anyone?](https://rosscavins.com/tag/salmon-treats-anyone/) - [Cat Treats](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cat-treats/) - [Salmon](https://rosscavins.com/tag/salmon/) - [Chewy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/chewy/) - [Whisker Lickins](https://rosscavins.com/tag/whisker-lickins/) - [Cats](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cats/) - [Kittens](https://rosscavins.com/tag/kittens/) - [America The Slob](https://rosscavins.com/tag/america-the-slob/) - [litter](https://rosscavins.com/tag/litter/) - [highway](https://rosscavins.com/tag/highway/) - [beautification](https://rosscavins.com/tag/beautification/) - [roadside](https://rosscavins.com/tag/roadside/) - [Alone In A Movie Theater](https://rosscavins.com/tag/alone-in-a-movie-theater/) - [candy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/candy/) - [movie](https://rosscavins.com/tag/movie/) - [theater](https://rosscavins.com/tag/theater/) - [sci-fi](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sci-fi/) - [love](https://rosscavins.com/tag/love/) - [guilt](https://rosscavins.com/tag/guilt/) - [My First Fight](https://rosscavins.com/tag/my-first-fight/) - [paddle](https://rosscavins.com/tag/paddle/) - [rod](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rod/) - [fight](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fight/) - [elementary school](https://rosscavins.com/tag/elementary-school/) - [first](https://rosscavins.com/tag/first/) - [principal](https://rosscavins.com/tag/principal/) - [office](https://rosscavins.com/tag/office/) - [The Concept of Separate Bathrooms](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-concept-of-separate-bathrooms/) - [Big Church Is Big Business](https://rosscavins.com/tag/big-church-is-big-business/) - [church](https://rosscavins.com/tag/church/) - [protestant](https://rosscavins.com/tag/protestant/) - [catholic](https://rosscavins.com/tag/catholic/) - [separation](https://rosscavins.com/tag/separation/) - [Safety Freak](https://rosscavins.com/tag/safety-freak/) - [safety](https://rosscavins.com/tag/safety/) - [safe](https://rosscavins.com/tag/safe/) - [knives](https://rosscavins.com/tag/knives/) - [knife](https://rosscavins.com/tag/knife/) - [qtips](https://rosscavins.com/tag/qtips/) - [electricity](https://rosscavins.com/tag/electricity/) - [condoms](https://rosscavins.com/tag/condoms/) - [sex bong](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sex-bong/) - [drugs](https://rosscavins.com/tag/drugs/) - [Accident Prone](https://rosscavins.com/tag/accident-prone/) - [versed](https://rosscavins.com/tag/versed/) - [broken arm](https://rosscavins.com/tag/broken-arm/) - [dislocated shoulder](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dislocated-shoulder/) - [kidney stone](https://rosscavins.com/tag/kidney-stone/) - [lithotripsy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lithotripsy/) - [circumcision](https://rosscavins.com/tag/circumcision/) - [sprained ankle](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sprained-ankle/) - [injury](https://rosscavins.com/tag/injury/) - [accident](https://rosscavins.com/tag/accident/) - [The Deal Breaker (Part 2)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-deal-breaker-part-2/) - [bail bonds](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bail-bonds/) - [bail](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bail/) - [bond](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bond/) - [bondsman](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bondsman/) - [scam](https://rosscavins.com/tag/scam/) - [con](https://rosscavins.com/tag/con/) - [police](https://rosscavins.com/tag/police/) - [deeds](https://rosscavins.com/tag/deeds/) - [PUBLISHED - Fat Chance](https://rosscavins.com/tag/published-fat-chance/) - [Select Category](https://rosscavins.com/tag/select-category/) - [PUBLISHED - The Other Twin](https://rosscavins.com/tag/published-the-other-twin/) - [My First Album](https://rosscavins.com/tag/my-first-album/) - [Kiss](https://rosscavins.com/tag/kiss/) - [Beach Boys](https://rosscavins.com/tag/beach-boys/) - [Brian Wilson](https://rosscavins.com/tag/brian-wilson/) - [Second Saturday](https://rosscavins.com/tag/second-saturday/) - [Jason Falkner](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jason-falkner/) - [Jellyfish](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jellyfish/) - [Jack Johnson](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jack-johnson/) - [Beatles](https://rosscavins.com/tag/beatles/) - [The Great Cereal Blog](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-great-cereal-blog/) - [Frosted Flakes](https://rosscavins.com/tag/frosted-flakes/) - [Fruit Loops](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fruit-loops/) - [Count Chocula](https://rosscavins.com/tag/count-chocula/) - [Apple Jacks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/apple-jacks/) - [Cookie Crisp](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cookie-crisp/) - [Fruity Pebbles](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fruity-pebbles/) - [Sugar Smacks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sugar-smacks/) - [Cap'n Crunch](https://rosscavins.com/tag/capn-crunch/) - [Peanut Butter Crunch](https://rosscavins.com/tag/peanut-butter-crunch/) - [cereal](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cereal/) - [breakfast cereal](https://rosscavins.com/tag/breakfast-cereal/) - [Cheerios](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cheerios/) - [Corn Flakes](https://rosscavins.com/tag/corn-flakes/) - [Rice Krispies](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rice-krispies/) - [Church For Sale](https://rosscavins.com/tag/church-for-sale/) - [Bob Newhart](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bob-newhart/) - [phone](https://rosscavins.com/tag/phone/) - [prank](https://rosscavins.com/tag/prank/) - [The Purpose of Fingernails](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-purpose-of-fingernails/) - [nails](https://rosscavins.com/tag/nails/) - [fingernails](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fingernails/) - [boogers](https://rosscavins.com/tag/boogers/) - [nose picking](https://rosscavins.com/tag/nose-picking/) - [CD Baby Rocks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cd-baby-rocks/) - [Blair Packham](https://rosscavins.com/tag/blair-packham/) - [Class Three Overbite](https://rosscavins.com/tag/class-three-overbite/) - [Fools & Horses](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fools-horses/) - [Fools and Horses](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fools-and-horses/) - [Junebug](https://rosscavins.com/tag/junebug/) - [Fat Boy Asthma](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fat-boy-asthma/) - [asthma](https://rosscavins.com/tag/asthma/) - [over-exertion](https://rosscavins.com/tag/over-exertion/) - [overexertion](https://rosscavins.com/tag/overexertion/) - [primatene mist](https://rosscavins.com/tag/primatene-mist/) - [exercise](https://rosscavins.com/tag/exercise/) - [A Cheesedog Like No Other](https://rosscavins.com/tag/a-cheesedog-like-no-other/) - [cheesedog](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cheesedog/) - [hot dog](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hot-dog/) - [cheese dog](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cheese-dog/) - [Zack's](https://rosscavins.com/tag/zacks/) - [Burlington](https://rosscavins.com/tag/burlington/) - [NC](https://rosscavins.com/tag/nc/) - [downtown](https://rosscavins.com/tag/downtown/) - [original](https://rosscavins.com/tag/original/) - [classic](https://rosscavins.com/tag/classic/) - [family-owned](https://rosscavins.com/tag/family-owned/) - [The Obligatory Halloween Blog](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-obligatory-halloween-blog/) - [kids](https://rosscavins.com/tag/kids/) - [pretending](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pretending/) - [holiday](https://rosscavins.com/tag/holiday/) - [costumes](https://rosscavins.com/tag/costumes/) - [Homage To The Southern Biscuit](https://rosscavins.com/tag/homage-to-the-southern-biscuit/) - [biscuit](https://rosscavins.com/tag/biscuit/) - [south](https://rosscavins.com/tag/south/) - [southern cooking](https://rosscavins.com/tag/southern-cooking/) - [The End of Baseball Rain](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-end-of-baseball-rain/) - [thunderstorms](https://rosscavins.com/tag/thunderstorms/) - [weather](https://rosscavins.com/tag/weather/) - [rainstorms](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rainstorms/) - [thunder](https://rosscavins.com/tag/thunder/) - [lighting](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lighting/) - [storms](https://rosscavins.com/tag/storms/) - [baseball](https://rosscavins.com/tag/baseball/) - [rain](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rain/) - [flooding](https://rosscavins.com/tag/flooding/) - [summer](https://rosscavins.com/tag/summer/) - [seasons](https://rosscavins.com/tag/seasons/) - [Thanks For Giving](https://rosscavins.com/tag/thanks-for-giving/) - [Thanksgiving](https://rosscavins.com/tag/thanksgiving/) - [hypocrites](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hypocrites/) - [Indians](https://rosscavins.com/tag/indians/) - [Native Americans](https://rosscavins.com/tag/native-americans/) - [WalMart](https://rosscavins.com/tag/walmart/) - [The Hating Of Duke](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-hating-of-duke/) - [UNC](https://rosscavins.com/tag/unc/) - [Carolina](https://rosscavins.com/tag/carolina/) - [Duke](https://rosscavins.com/tag/duke/) - [ACC](https://rosscavins.com/tag/acc/) - [college](https://rosscavins.com/tag/college/) - [Rudolph Sends Wrong Message](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rudolph-sends-wrong-message/) - [Rudolph](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rudolph/) - [Red-nosed](https://rosscavins.com/tag/red-nosed/) - [reindeer](https://rosscavins.com/tag/reindeer/) - [Santa](https://rosscavins.com/tag/santa/) - [Christmas](https://rosscavins.com/tag/christmas/) - [Eve](https://rosscavins.com/tag/eve/) - [satire](https://rosscavins.com/tag/satire/) - [The Lyric Mangler](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-lyric-mangler/) - [lyrics](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lyrics/) - [songs](https://rosscavins.com/tag/songs/) - [wrong lyrics](https://rosscavins.com/tag/wrong-lyrics/) - [The Yard Art Phenomenon](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-yard-art-phenomenon/) - [gnome](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gnome/) - [garden gnome](https://rosscavins.com/tag/garden-gnome/) - [pink flamingo](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pink-flamingo/) - [yard art](https://rosscavins.com/tag/yard-art/) - [yart](https://rosscavins.com/tag/yart/) - [plastic deer](https://rosscavins.com/tag/plastic-deer/) - [Movie Reviews](https://rosscavins.com/tag/movie-reviews/) - [Movie Review: Spider-Man 3 (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/movie-review-spider-man-3-2007/) - [Tobey Maguire](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tobey-maguire/) - [Kirsten Dunst](https://rosscavins.com/tag/kirsten-dunst/) - [James Franco](https://rosscavins.com/tag/james-franco/) - [Thomas Haden Church](https://rosscavins.com/tag/thomas-haden-church/) - [Topher Grace](https://rosscavins.com/tag/topher-grace/) - [Sam Raimi](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sam-raimi/) - [Scrabble on TV](https://rosscavins.com/tag/scrabble-on-tv/) - [Scrabble](https://rosscavins.com/tag/scrabble/) - [TV](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tv/) - [announcer](https://rosscavins.com/tag/announcer/) - [parody](https://rosscavins.com/tag/parody/) - [The Great Diet Switch](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-great-diet-switch/) - [Diet Mountain Dew](https://rosscavins.com/tag/diet-mountain-dew/) - [Mountain Dew](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mountain-dew/) - [diet](https://rosscavins.com/tag/diet/) - [diet drinks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/diet-drinks/) - [drinks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/drinks/) - [colas](https://rosscavins.com/tag/colas/) - [sodas](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sodas/) - [equal](https://rosscavins.com/tag/equal/) - [saccharin](https://rosscavins.com/tag/saccharin/) - [splenda](https://rosscavins.com/tag/splenda/) - [Bed Security](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bed-security/) - [Relationship](https://rosscavins.com/tag/relationship/) - [couple](https://rosscavins.com/tag/couple/) - [secret](https://rosscavins.com/tag/secret/) - [Movie Review: Ocean's Thirteen (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/movie-review-oceans-thirteen-2007/) - [Brad Pitt](https://rosscavins.com/tag/brad-pitt/) - [George Clooney](https://rosscavins.com/tag/george-clooney/) - [Andy Garcia](https://rosscavins.com/tag/andy-garcia/) - [Matt Damon](https://rosscavins.com/tag/matt-damon/) - [Michael Mantell](https://rosscavins.com/tag/michael-mantell/) - [Elliot Gould](https://rosscavins.com/tag/elliot-gould/) - [Al Pacino](https://rosscavins.com/tag/al-pacino/) - [Don Cheadle](https://rosscavins.com/tag/don-cheadle/) - [Scott Caan](https://rosscavins.com/tag/scott-caan/) - [Bernie Mac](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bernie-mac/) - [Carl Reiner](https://rosscavins.com/tag/carl-reiner/) - [Eddie Jemison](https://rosscavins.com/tag/eddie-jemison/) - [Casey Affleck](https://rosscavins.com/tag/casey-affleck/) - [Eddie Izzard](https://rosscavins.com/tag/eddie-izzard/) - [Ellen Barkin](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ellen-barkin/) - [Julian Sands](https://rosscavins.com/tag/julian-sands/) - [David Paymer](https://rosscavins.com/tag/david-paymer/) - [Don McManus](https://rosscavins.com/tag/don-mcmanus/) - [Steven Soderbergh](https://rosscavins.com/tag/steven-soderbergh/) - [The Greatest TV Intro Ever](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-greatest-tv-intro-ever/) - [Six Million Dollar Man](https://rosscavins.com/tag/six-million-dollar-man/) - [shows](https://rosscavins.com/tag/shows/) - [steve austin](https://rosscavins.com/tag/steve-austin/) - [bionics](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bionics/) - [the bionic man](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-bionic-man/) - [Movie Review: Disturbia (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/movie-review-disturbia-2007/) - [Shia LaBeouf](https://rosscavins.com/tag/shia-labeouf/) - [Sarah Roemer](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sarah-roemer/) - [Carrie-Anne Moss](https://rosscavins.com/tag/carrie-anne-moss/) - [David Morse](https://rosscavins.com/tag/david-morse/) - [Aaron Yoo](https://rosscavins.com/tag/aaron-yoo/) - [Matt Craven](https://rosscavins.com/tag/matt-craven/) - [Jose Pablo Cantillo](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jose-pablo-cantillo/) - [Hitchcock](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hitchcock/) - [The Great Cereal Blog (part 2)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-great-cereal-blog-part-2/) - [sugar](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sugar/) - [sugar-filled](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sugar-filled/) - [children](https://rosscavins.com/tag/children/) - [aisle](https://rosscavins.com/tag/aisle/) - [childhood](https://rosscavins.com/tag/childhood/) - [memories](https://rosscavins.com/tag/memories/) - [peanut butter](https://rosscavins.com/tag/peanut-butter/) - [chocolate](https://rosscavins.com/tag/chocolate/) - [strawberry](https://rosscavins.com/tag/strawberry/) - [oats](https://rosscavins.com/tag/oats/) - [grains](https://rosscavins.com/tag/grains/) - [whole](https://rosscavins.com/tag/whole/) - [Public Booger Mining](https://rosscavins.com/tag/public-booger-mining/) - [nose](https://rosscavins.com/tag/nose/) - [snot](https://rosscavins.com/tag/snot/) - [booger](https://rosscavins.com/tag/booger/) - [buger](https://rosscavins.com/tag/buger/) - [Milfs Abound](https://rosscavins.com/tag/milfs-abound/) - [Stacy's Mom](https://rosscavins.com/tag/stacys-mom/) - [Fountains of Wayne](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fountains-of-wayne/) - [Rachel Hunter](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rachel-hunter/) - [Milfs](https://rosscavins.com/tag/milfs/) - [mature](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mature/) - [dating](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dating/) - [The Graduate](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-graduate/) - [Mrs. Robinson](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mrs-robinson/) - [Soccer Mom](https://rosscavins.com/tag/soccer-mom/) - [Movie Review: Blood Diamond](https://rosscavins.com/tag/movie-review-blood-diamond/) - [Edward Zwick](https://rosscavins.com/tag/edward-zwick/) - [Leonardo DiCaprio](https://rosscavins.com/tag/leonardo-dicaprio/) - [Djimon Hounsou](https://rosscavins.com/tag/djimon-hounsou/) - [Jennifer Connelly](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jennifer-connelly/) - [Arnold Vosloo](https://rosscavins.com/tag/arnold-vosloo/) - [Shooting At Suitcases](https://rosscavins.com/tag/shooting-at-suitcases/) - [samsonite](https://rosscavins.com/tag/samsonite/) - [gorilla](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gorilla/) - [hollywood](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hollywood/) - [tricks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tricks/) - [writers](https://rosscavins.com/tag/writers/) - [authors](https://rosscavins.com/tag/authors/) - [cheap tricks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cheap-tricks/) - [diversion](https://rosscavins.com/tag/diversion/) - [luggage](https://rosscavins.com/tag/luggage/) - [suitcases](https://rosscavins.com/tag/suitcases/) - [Movie Review: We Are Marshall (2006)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/movie-review-we-are-marshall-2006/) - [McG](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mcg/) - [Matthew McConaughey](https://rosscavins.com/tag/matthew-mcconaughey/) - [Matthew Fox](https://rosscavins.com/tag/matthew-fox/) - [Kate Mara](https://rosscavins.com/tag/kate-mara/) - [Ian McShane](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ian-mcshane/) - [The Lost Art of Shoe Tying](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-lost-art-of-shoe-tying/) - [Windows](https://rosscavins.com/tag/windows/) - [mouse](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mouse/) - [buttons](https://rosscavins.com/tag/buttons/) - [technology](https://rosscavins.com/tag/technology/) - [website](https://rosscavins.com/tag/website/) - [nephew](https://rosscavins.com/tag/nephew/) - [young](https://rosscavins.com/tag/young/) - [shoes](https://rosscavins.com/tag/shoes/) - [tying shoes](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tying-shoes/) - [tying](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tying/) - [velcro](https://rosscavins.com/tag/velcro/) - [heelys](https://rosscavins.com/tag/heelys/) - [Movie Review: For Your Consideration (2006)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/movie-review-for-your-consideration-2006/) - [Directed by: Christopher Guest Starring: Christopher Guest](https://rosscavins.com/tag/directed-by-christopher-guest-starring-christopher-guest/) - [Catherine O'Hara](https://rosscavins.com/tag/catherine-ohara/) - [Michael McKean](https://rosscavins.com/tag/michael-mckean/) - [Stephen Rannazzisi](https://rosscavins.com/tag/stephen-rannazzisi/) - [Ed Begley Jr.](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ed-begley-jr/) - [Eugene Levy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/eugene-levy/) - [Harry Shearer](https://rosscavins.com/tag/harry-shearer/) - [John Michael Higgins](https://rosscavins.com/tag/john-michael-higgins/) - [Carrie Aizley](https://rosscavins.com/tag/carrie-aizley/) - [Jennifer Coolidge](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jennifer-coolidge/) - [Parker Posey](https://rosscavins.com/tag/parker-posey/) - [John Krasinski](https://rosscavins.com/tag/john-krasinski/) - [Michael Hitchcock](https://rosscavins.com/tag/michael-hitchcock/) - [Lauri Johnson](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lauri-johnson/) - [Rachael Harris](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rachael-harris/) - [Richard Kind](https://rosscavins.com/tag/richard-kind/) - [Sandra Oh](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sandra-oh/) - [Fred Willard](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fred-willard/) - [Jane Lynch](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jane-lynch/) - [etc... Other Movie Sites: IMDB](https://rosscavins.com/tag/etc-other-movie-sites-imdb/) - [Rotten Tomatoes](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rotten-tomatoes/) - [The Raisin Bran Conspiracy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-raisin-bran-conspiracy/) - [new things](https://rosscavins.com/tag/new-things/) - [raisin bran](https://rosscavins.com/tag/raisin-bran/) - [mid-life](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mid-life/) - [crisis](https://rosscavins.com/tag/crisis/) - [Movie Review: Superbad (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/movie-review-superbad-2007/) - [Directed by: Greg Mottola Starring: Jonah Hill](https://rosscavins.com/tag/directed-by-greg-mottola-starring-jonah-hill/) - [Michael Cera](https://rosscavins.com/tag/michael-cera/) - [Christopher Mintz-Plasse](https://rosscavins.com/tag/christopher-mintz-plasse/) - [Seth Rogen](https://rosscavins.com/tag/seth-rogen/) - [Martha MacIsaac](https://rosscavins.com/tag/martha-macisaac/) - [Emma Stone Other Movie Sites: IMDB](https://rosscavins.com/tag/emma-stone-other-movie-sites-imdb/) - [The Worst Position in Football](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-worst-position-in-football/) - [center](https://rosscavins.com/tag/center/) - [worst](https://rosscavins.com/tag/worst/) - [bad](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bad/) - [injuries](https://rosscavins.com/tag/injuries/) - [knees](https://rosscavins.com/tag/knees/) - [Movie Review: Rescue Dawn (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/movie-review-rescue-dawn-2007/) - [Werner Herzog](https://rosscavins.com/tag/werner-herzog/) - [Christian Bale](https://rosscavins.com/tag/christian-bale/) - [Steve Zahn](https://rosscavins.com/tag/steve-zahn/) - [Jeremy Davies](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jeremy-davies/) - [Zach Grenier](https://rosscavins.com/tag/zach-grenier/) - [Pat Healy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pat-healy/) - [IMDB](https://rosscavins.com/tag/imdb/) - [Movie Review: Gone Baby Gone (2007)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/movie-review-gone-baby-gone-2007/) - [Ben Affleck](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ben-affleck/) - [Aaron Stockard](https://rosscavins.com/tag/aaron-stockard/) - [Michelle Monaghan](https://rosscavins.com/tag/michelle-monaghan/) - [Morgan Freeman](https://rosscavins.com/tag/morgan-freeman/) - [Ed Harris](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ed-harris/) - [John Ashton](https://rosscavins.com/tag/john-ashton/) - [Amy Madigan](https://rosscavins.com/tag/amy-madigan/) - [Can You Hear Me Now?](https://rosscavins.com/tag/can-you-hear-me-now/) - [hearing test](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hearing-test/) - [super hero](https://rosscavins.com/tag/super-hero/) - [cia](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cia/) - [deaf](https://rosscavins.com/tag/deaf/) - [verizon](https://rosscavins.com/tag/verizon/) - [geek](https://rosscavins.com/tag/geek/) - [Dre Not As Good As Cube](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dre-not-as-good-as-cube/) - [dr. dre](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dr-dre/) - [ice cube](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ice-cube/) - [snoop](https://rosscavins.com/tag/snoop/) - [snoop dogg](https://rosscavins.com/tag/snoop-dogg/) - [shaq](https://rosscavins.com/tag/shaq/) - [acting](https://rosscavins.com/tag/acting/) - [rapping](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rapping/) - [rappers](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rappers/) - [nwa](https://rosscavins.com/tag/nwa/) - [The Last Milli Vanilli Fan](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-last-milli-vanilli-fan/) - [Rob Pilatus](https://rosscavins.com/tag/rob-pilatus/) - [Fab Morvan](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fab-morvan/) - [Milli Vanilli](https://rosscavins.com/tag/milli-vanilli/) - [Brad Howell](https://rosscavins.com/tag/brad-howell/) - [John Davis](https://rosscavins.com/tag/john-davis/) - [Charles Shaw](https://rosscavins.com/tag/charles-shaw/) - [album burning](https://rosscavins.com/tag/album-burning/) - [shame](https://rosscavins.com/tag/shame/) - [lip-syncing](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lip-syncing/) - [My First Date](https://rosscavins.com/tag/my-first-date/) - [Angela](https://rosscavins.com/tag/angela/) - [holding hands](https://rosscavins.com/tag/holding-hands/) - [sweet](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sweet/) - [date](https://rosscavins.com/tag/date/) - [dirty dancing](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dirty-dancing/) - [teenager](https://rosscavins.com/tag/teenager/) - [girlfriend](https://rosscavins.com/tag/girlfriend/) - [boyfriend](https://rosscavins.com/tag/boyfriend/) - [I Blame the Gremlins](https://rosscavins.com/tag/i-blame-the-gremlins/) - [Spike](https://rosscavins.com/tag/spike/) - [Gismo](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gismo/) - [Gizmo](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gizmo/) - [Gremlins](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gremlins/) - [horror](https://rosscavins.com/tag/horror/) - [nightmares](https://rosscavins.com/tag/nightmares/) - [sister](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sister/) - [scared](https://rosscavins.com/tag/scared/) - [The Dreaded Condom Aisle](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-dreaded-condom-aisle/) - [condom](https://rosscavins.com/tag/condom/) - [teen](https://rosscavins.com/tag/teen/) - [teeenager](https://rosscavins.com/tag/teeenager/) - [buy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/buy/) - [purchase](https://rosscavins.com/tag/purchase/) - [embarrass](https://rosscavins.com/tag/embarrass/) - [drugstore](https://rosscavins.com/tag/drugstore/) - [exxon](https://rosscavins.com/tag/exxon/) - [guidance](https://rosscavins.com/tag/guidance/) - [magazine](https://rosscavins.com/tag/magazine/) - [7-11](https://rosscavins.com/tag/7-11/) - [A Legacy of Humor](https://rosscavins.com/tag/a-legacy-of-humor/) - [sense](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sense/) - [author](https://rosscavins.com/tag/author/) - [hotdog](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hotdog/) - [fiction](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fiction/) - [true](https://rosscavins.com/tag/true/) - [non-fiction](https://rosscavins.com/tag/non-fiction/) - [legacy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/legacy/) - [remembered](https://rosscavins.com/tag/remembered/) - [My LOL Cat](https://rosscavins.com/tag/my-lol-cat/) - [lol cats](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lol-cats/) - [catz](https://rosscavins.com/tag/catz/) - [lol](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lol/) - [gallery](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gallery/) - [images](https://rosscavins.com/tag/images/) - [Pears: The Un-Fruit](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pears-the-un-fruit/) - [fruit](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fruit/) - [pear](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pear/) - [apple](https://rosscavins.com/tag/apple/) - [orange](https://rosscavins.com/tag/orange/) - [banana](https://rosscavins.com/tag/banana/) - [cherry](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cherry/) - [black cherry](https://rosscavins.com/tag/black-cherry/) - [raspberry](https://rosscavins.com/tag/raspberry/) - [watermelon](https://rosscavins.com/tag/watermelon/) - [lemon](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lemon/) - [lime](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lime/) - [blackberry](https://rosscavins.com/tag/blackberry/) - [blueberry](https://rosscavins.com/tag/blueberry/) - [peach](https://rosscavins.com/tag/peach/) - [cranberry](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cranberry/) - [grape](https://rosscavins.com/tag/grape/) - [grapefruit](https://rosscavins.com/tag/grapefruit/) - [mulberry](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mulberry/) - [plum](https://rosscavins.com/tag/plum/) - [coconut](https://rosscavins.com/tag/coconut/) - [pineapple](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pineapple/) - [papaya](https://rosscavins.com/tag/papaya/) - [guava](https://rosscavins.com/tag/guava/) - [kiwi](https://rosscavins.com/tag/kiwi/) - [mango](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mango/) - [pumpkin](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pumpkin/) - [vegetable](https://rosscavins.com/tag/vegetable/) - [We Are The World](https://rosscavins.com/tag/we-are-the-world/) - [We Are The World - U.S.A. For Africa](https://rosscavins.com/tag/we-are-the-world-u-s-a-for-africa/) - [If Only For The Moment](https://rosscavins.com/tag/if-only-for-the-moment/) - [Girl - Steve Perry](https://rosscavins.com/tag/girl-steve-perry/) - [Just A Little Closer - Pointer Sisters](https://rosscavins.com/tag/just-a-little-closer-pointer-sisters/) - [Trapped - Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band](https://rosscavins.com/tag/trapped-bruce-springsteen-the-e-street-band/) - [Tears Are Not Enough - Northern Lights](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tears-are-not-enough-northern-lights/) - [The Tears In Your Eyes - Prince & The Revolution](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-tears-in-your-eyes-prince-the-revolution/) - [Good For Nothing - Chicago](https://rosscavins.com/tag/good-for-nothing-chicago/) - [Total Control - Tina Turner](https://rosscavins.com/tag/total-control-tina-turner/) - [A Little More Love - Kenny Rogers](https://rosscavins.com/tag/a-little-more-love-kenny-rogers/) - [Trouble In Paradise - Huey Lewis & The News](https://rosscavins.com/tag/trouble-in-paradise-huey-lewis-the-news/) - [hall & oates](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hall-oates/) - [Good TP & Low-Flow Toilets](https://rosscavins.com/tag/good-tp-low-flow-toilets/) - [tp](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tp/) - [toilet](https://rosscavins.com/tag/toilet/) - [toilet paper](https://rosscavins.com/tag/toilet-paper/) - [charmin](https://rosscavins.com/tag/charmin/) - [low flow](https://rosscavins.com/tag/low-flow/) - [commode](https://rosscavins.com/tag/commode/) - [comode](https://rosscavins.com/tag/comode/) - [teepee](https://rosscavins.com/tag/teepee/) - [tee pee](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tee-pee/) - [Shirt In Or Out?](https://rosscavins.com/tag/shirt-in-or-out/) - [generation](https://rosscavins.com/tag/generation/) - [x](https://rosscavins.com/tag/x/) - [y](https://rosscavins.com/tag/y/) - [shirt](https://rosscavins.com/tag/shirt/) - [tucked in](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tucked-in/) - [out](https://rosscavins.com/tag/out/) - [style](https://rosscavins.com/tag/style/) - [fashion](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fashion/) - [gap](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gap/) - [generational](https://rosscavins.com/tag/generational/) - [The Story of Dishwater Johnson](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-story-of-dishwater-johnson/) - [dumb](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dumb/) - [stupid](https://rosscavins.com/tag/stupid/) - [idiot](https://rosscavins.com/tag/idiot/) - [moron](https://rosscavins.com/tag/moron/) - [dumber than dirt](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dumber-than-dirt/) - [dumber than a boxful of rocks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dumber-than-a-boxful-of-rocks/) - [dumber](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dumber/) - [The Disappearance of Things](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-disappearance-of-things/) - [8mm](https://rosscavins.com/tag/8mm/) - [8-track](https://rosscavins.com/tag/8-track/) - [lp](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lp/) - [45](https://rosscavins.com/tag/45/) - [33 1/3](https://rosscavins.com/tag/33-13/) - [album](https://rosscavins.com/tag/album/) - [cd](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cd/) - [mobile](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mobile/) - [vhs](https://rosscavins.com/tag/vhs/) - [beta](https://rosscavins.com/tag/beta/) - [betamax](https://rosscavins.com/tag/betamax/) - [dvd](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dvd/) - [dvr](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dvr/) - [digital](https://rosscavins.com/tag/digital/) - [cell](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cell/) - [handkerchief](https://rosscavins.com/tag/handkerchief/) - [shoe polish](https://rosscavins.com/tag/shoe-polish/) - [Getting There From Here](https://rosscavins.com/tag/getting-there-from-here/) - [directions](https://rosscavins.com/tag/directions/) - [farting](https://rosscavins.com/tag/farting/) - [venus](https://rosscavins.com/tag/venus/) - [mars](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mars/) - [differences](https://rosscavins.com/tag/differences/) - [drive](https://rosscavins.com/tag/drive/) - [trips](https://rosscavins.com/tag/trips/) - [odometer](https://rosscavins.com/tag/odometer/) - [penis](https://rosscavins.com/tag/penis/) - [Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper](https://rosscavins.com/tag/diet-cherry-vanilla-dr-pepper/) - [dcvdp](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dcvdp/) - [Dr. Pepper](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dr-pepper/) - [diet cola](https://rosscavins.com/tag/diet-cola/) - [cola](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cola/) - [soda](https://rosscavins.com/tag/soda/) - [vanila](https://rosscavins.com/tag/vanila/) - [vanilla](https://rosscavins.com/tag/vanilla/) - [metabolism](https://rosscavins.com/tag/metabolism/) - [Across The Universe](https://rosscavins.com/tag/across-the-universe/) - [gay](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gay/) - [musical](https://rosscavins.com/tag/musical/) - [music](https://rosscavins.com/tag/music/) - [john lennon](https://rosscavins.com/tag/john-lennon/) - [paul mccartney](https://rosscavins.com/tag/paul-mccartney/) - [jim sturgess](https://rosscavins.com/tag/jim-sturgess/) - [Goldie Hawn and the Prius](https://rosscavins.com/tag/goldie-hawn-and-the-prius/) - [goldie hawn](https://rosscavins.com/tag/goldie-hawn/) - [steve martin](https://rosscavins.com/tag/steve-martin/) - [housesitter](https://rosscavins.com/tag/housesitter/) - [wachovia](https://rosscavins.com/tag/wachovia/) - [ceo](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ceo/) - [fannie mae](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fannie-mae/) - [freddie mac](https://rosscavins.com/tag/freddie-mac/) - [ginnie mae](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ginnie-mae/) - [laughter](https://rosscavins.com/tag/laughter/) - [workplace](https://rosscavins.com/tag/workplace/) - [social security](https://rosscavins.com/tag/social-security/) - [What 37 Means To Me](https://rosscavins.com/tag/what-37-means-to-me/) - [getting older](https://rosscavins.com/tag/getting-older/) - [beard](https://rosscavins.com/tag/beard/) - [goatee](https://rosscavins.com/tag/goatee/) - [gray](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gray/) - [gray hairs](https://rosscavins.com/tag/gray-hairs/) - [hairs](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hairs/) - [graying](https://rosscavins.com/tag/graying/) - [salt and pepper](https://rosscavins.com/tag/salt-and-pepper/) - [salt-n-pepper](https://rosscavins.com/tag/salt-n-pepper/) - [salt'n pepper](https://rosscavins.com/tag/saltn-pepper/) - [freedom](https://rosscavins.com/tag/freedom/) - [Select Section](https://rosscavins.com/tag/select-section/) - [Our Old Food](https://rosscavins.com/tag/our-old-food/) - [peanut brittle](https://rosscavins.com/tag/peanut-brittle/) - [prunes](https://rosscavins.com/tag/prunes/) - [pears](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pears/) - [fruitcake](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fruitcake/) - [Hot Pockets. Pizza Bites. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Twizzlers.](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hot-pockets-pizza-bites-cinnamon-toast-crunch-twizzlers/) - [I Follow The Moose Tracks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/i-follow-the-moose-tracks/) - [denali](https://rosscavins.com/tag/denali/) - [ice cream](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ice-cream/) - [flavors](https://rosscavins.com/tag/flavors/) - [cups](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cups/) - [reeses](https://rosscavins.com/tag/reeses/) - [moose tracks](https://rosscavins.com/tag/moose-tracks/) - [fudge](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fudge/) - [That Time of the Year](https://rosscavins.com/tag/that-time-of-the-year/) - [dove](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dove/) - [quail](https://rosscavins.com/tag/quail/) - [north carolina](https://rosscavins.com/tag/north-carolina/) - [south carolina](https://rosscavins.com/tag/south-carolina/) - [hunting](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hunting/) - [season](https://rosscavins.com/tag/season/) - [game](https://rosscavins.com/tag/game/) - [fish](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fish/) - [bear](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bear/) - [pheasant](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pheasant/) - [turkey](https://rosscavins.com/tag/turkey/) - [bow](https://rosscavins.com/tag/bow/) - [shotgun](https://rosscavins.com/tag/shotgun/) - [buckshot](https://rosscavins.com/tag/buckshot/) - [The Jew and the Bacon](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-jew-and-the-bacon/) - [swine](https://rosscavins.com/tag/swine/) - [pig](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pig/) - [hog](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hog/) - [pork](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pork/) - [ham](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ham/) - [unclean](https://rosscavins.com/tag/unclean/) - [kosher](https://rosscavins.com/tag/kosher/) - [pork chop](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pork-chop/) - [salami](https://rosscavins.com/tag/salami/) - [The Picky Eater](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-picky-eater/) - [broccoli](https://rosscavins.com/tag/broccoli/) - [tomatoes](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tomatoes/) - [okra](https://rosscavins.com/tag/okra/) - [strawberries](https://rosscavins.com/tag/strawberries/) - [watermelons](https://rosscavins.com/tag/watermelons/) - [mushrooms](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mushrooms/) - [oysters](https://rosscavins.com/tag/oysters/) - [green](https://rosscavins.com/tag/green/) - [green beans](https://rosscavins.com/tag/green-beans/) - [lima beans](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lima-beans/) - [green peppers](https://rosscavins.com/tag/green-peppers/) - [mushy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mushy/) - [green peas](https://rosscavins.com/tag/green-peas/) - [peas](https://rosscavins.com/tag/peas/) - [spinach](https://rosscavins.com/tag/spinach/) - [nuts](https://rosscavins.com/tag/nuts/) - [pudding](https://rosscavins.com/tag/pudding/) - [The Blind Date From Hell (pt1)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-blind-date-from-hell-pt1/) - [blind date](https://rosscavins.com/tag/blind-date/) - [fantasy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/fantasy/) - [country](https://rosscavins.com/tag/country/) - [roommate](https://rosscavins.com/tag/roommate/) - [engagement](https://rosscavins.com/tag/engagement/) - [lonely](https://rosscavins.com/tag/lonely/) - [loneliness](https://rosscavins.com/tag/loneliness/) - [talking](https://rosscavins.com/tag/talking/) - [internet chat](https://rosscavins.com/tag/internet-chat/) - [chat rooms](https://rosscavins.com/tag/chat-rooms/) - [internet dating](https://rosscavins.com/tag/internet-dating/) - [madonna](https://rosscavins.com/tag/madonna/) - [New Piece on Scrivel: "Going Home"](https://rosscavins.com/tag/new-piece-on-scrivel-going-home/) - [nostalgia](https://rosscavins.com/tag/nostalgia/) - [Blind Date From Hell (pt2)](https://rosscavins.com/tag/blind-date-from-hell-pt2/) - [ugly](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ugly/) - [sandra](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sandra/) - [berhnard](https://rosscavins.com/tag/berhnard/) - [ciccone](https://rosscavins.com/tag/ciccone/) - [blind](https://rosscavins.com/tag/blind/) - [clearasil](https://rosscavins.com/tag/clearasil/) - [zits](https://rosscavins.com/tag/zits/) - [apartment](https://rosscavins.com/tag/apartment/) - [The Last Potato](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-last-potato/) - [hot dogs](https://rosscavins.com/tag/hot-dogs/) - [potatoes](https://rosscavins.com/tag/potatoes/) - [mom](https://rosscavins.com/tag/mom/) - [dad](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dad/) - [son](https://rosscavins.com/tag/son/) - [brother-in-law](https://rosscavins.com/tag/brother-in-law/) - [dinner table](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dinner-table/) - [dinner](https://rosscavins.com/tag/dinner/) - [supper](https://rosscavins.com/tag/supper/) - [sloppy](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sloppy/) - [Yard Sale Fever](https://rosscavins.com/tag/yard-sale-fever/) - [garage](https://rosscavins.com/tag/garage/) - [sale](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sale/) - [tag](https://rosscavins.com/tag/tag/) - [yard](https://rosscavins.com/tag/yard/) - [stuff](https://rosscavins.com/tag/stuff/) - [crap](https://rosscavins.com/tag/crap/) - [sell](https://rosscavins.com/tag/sell/) - [buy directions](https://rosscavins.com/tag/buy-directions/) - [The Kettlenetics K-Bell](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-kettlenetics-k-bell/) - [Katherine Heigel](https://rosscavins.com/tag/katherine-heigel/) - [Michelle Kwai](https://rosscavins.com/tag/michelle-kwai/) - [weight](https://rosscavins.com/tag/weight/) - [overweight](https://rosscavins.com/tag/overweight/) - [cowbell](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cowbell/) - [cow bell](https://rosscavins.com/tag/cow-bell/) - [christopher walken](https://rosscavins.com/tag/christopher-walken/) - [snl](https://rosscavins.com/tag/snl/) - [Long Schlongs](https://rosscavins.com/tag/long-schlongs/) - [boys](https://rosscavins.com/tag/boys/) - [winkie weenie](https://rosscavins.com/tag/winkie-weenie/) - [wiener](https://rosscavins.com/tag/wiener/) - [huge](https://rosscavins.com/tag/huge/) - [big](https://rosscavins.com/tag/big/) - [long](https://rosscavins.com/tag/long/) - [The Brotherhood of the Traveling Boxers](https://rosscavins.com/tag/the-brotherhood-of-the-traveling-boxers/) - [boxers](https://rosscavins.com/tag/boxers/)